My husband and I are finally renovating our kitchen; I’d like an open concept for more space, he can’t picture it finished and feels it’ll take too much room from the family space in the living room. 

I feel he’s being selfish and doesn’t want to give in. I’ve lived with a disgusting kitchen for 15 years and finally want my way as I’m the one in there most.

We’ve hired an interior decorator and are only in the planning stages, but have had many arguments so far and I fear for and life with him during these renovations.

- Chief Cook

Reno Reality sometimes turns more than the house upside down, and reveals deeper problems in the marriage structure. 

You and Hubby have an ongoing power struggle over who gets their way.

You call him “selfish,” yet you don’t perceive your own preference this way, even though your plan might diminish the family’s living room space.

Call on the experts, rather than duke it out. Your decorator should know how to provide a virtual re-design, which you can see.

Or get help from an interior designer to use large pieces of paper placed on the floor, to demonstrate the new spaces.

Compromise: Perhaps a kitchen “island” within the existing space can give you the extra counter you want. Or the “open” living room can have a bar and stools on the kitchen side, which increase the room’s usage and appearance.

My sister-in-law got mad at me when I told her that I’m doing my best to make sure her brother, my husband, doesn’t work too hard at his job. 

I was trying to reassure her. She’s a petty woman and for six years since that conversation she’s acted like I don’t exist.

She tries to change her voice so I won’t recognize her calling to speak to my hubby, send Christmas cards to him “and family.”

When she visited here, she stayed with my son and his family.

My husband took her out for dinner and told her to treat me nicely and acknowledge me. This just made her angrier. So when were alone she kept on doing her little digs.

We have to go to her city soon for a family wedding. I’m tired of having to deal with her childish ways. What can I do when I’m around her.

She even got really angry at me because all the other relatives enjoyed their time with me.

Should I just ignore her except when it’s unavoidable?

- Stumped

Take the high road. More than childish and petty, this woman is jealous of you. She may feel you took her brother away, since you live in another city; or she may’ve been the leading female in the family until you came on, etc. 

However, it’s unlikely she’s going to change, especially since your husband has done the right thing by speaking up for you, and she still managed to offend you privately.

But YOU can change, by caring less. You’re ahead of the game by having hubby’s support and the appreciation of the rest of the relatives.

When you see her, be polite, even try to come up with a compliment or two. Then walk away.

Involve yourself with others, but don’t gossip about her nor point out to others (other than your spouse) if she carries on badly. They can see for themselves, and she’s losing their respect… something you don’t want to do.

I’ve had a crush on my friend for five years; she knows, and recently broke up with her boyfriend. 

She started staying at my place after going out, but never made plans just with me alone. She said she needed space and time.

We recently argued; I tried to apologize but she wouldn’t answer my calls and emails. I learned she was scared that I was calling so often.

Should I just get over her?

- Confused

Back off, you pressured her at the wrong time. 

A break-up is a time of reflection, not for rushing into the next full-on relationship. She was only seeking comfort from you (but should’ve realized you’d hope she was interested in more).

She doesn’t appear to share the same depth of feelings.

You may be able to resume the friendship, but not for awhile, and only if you stop trying to push your feelings at her.