My ex and I ended our relationship last July; our son, 8, alternates between us weekly. A year prior, my ex had re-established contact through Facebook with a fellow she’d lived with briefly 23 years ago, while overseas. Her parents talked her into coming home to attend school.    
      Periodically, my ex had “hit the wall” and then returned to our relationship. When the online love affair blew over, we got back on track, moved house, agreed to work on our relationship.     
      Months later, she again reconnected with the guy. We saw a child psychologist about telling our son that we were splitting. He suggested that we not introduce anyone new for a year, preferably two, considering the other recent changes, i.e. new home, school and parents’ beak-up.     
      Two weeks ago, my ex informed our son that she may be marrying this fellow, and he’ll be moving in with her. He’ll soon stay one week with them.    
      I expressed concern that the boy’s showing signs of duress at school. But she’s convinced him to meet this guy already. I don’t think this has been handled with my son’s emotional well being as first priority.    
      What’s a reasonable period after a breakup before a child is introduced to a new partner? How can I minimize the impact this’ll have on my son?
      - Concerned Father

Though your concern is sincere and justified, you can’t control your ex and what she says or does, unless you’re willing to go to court to fight for sole custody, which may not be in the best interests of the child.     
      What’s NOT in his interest is ongoing disputes between his parents about him. You already know that his mother’s been precipitous in bringing this man into the picture. But the boy can more easily adjust to the new situation IF he’s not encouraged by you to feel that what’s going on is wrong.    
      Watch closely your son’s behaviour and comfort level at school and with friends. If you feel he’s experiencing deep disturbance, then consult with both a child psychologist and a lawyer as to how to proceed.    
      Meantime, provide the balance in your own home of a stable, loving, environment where he feels secure.

My husband of 20 years and I are both second-timers. His relationship with his ex was never harmonious. Now that his daughter is grown, we have zero contact with her mother.       
      However, when my father-in-law passed six years ago, my husband's ex attended the funeral and was a sobbing mess. She’d had no contact with the family since her divorce 24 years ago.        
      My husband now says that when his former in-laws pass, we should attend their funerals together as support for our daughter. I disagree. She’ll receive lots of support from her mother and numerous relatives on that side.    
      I’m very uncomfortable with being surrounded by her family but my husband insists I’m being selfish and demands that I attend with him. I resent his demand yet I understand that he wants me there for whatever reason. Am I being petty?  
      - Unsure

You’re not seeing that your husband is equally uncomfortable, and wants you there as a united front, not just for his daughter’s sake. It’s a compliment, despite being delivered as a demand.    
      The funeral will be about respect for the passing of people he once knew well; and for your stepdaughter’s feelings. When the time comes, attend with pride that your partner wants you close by.

I’m 40-plus, an adopted adult who never felt loved or appreciated by my family. My mother will repeatedly accuse me of some fabricated hurtful act or statement, as part of life-long competition between us - initially for my father's attention. He often seems to believe her tales. Eating has always been one of my escapes.       
      I’ve occasionally felt suicidal, and the lure of walking away with some dignity intact is strong. Should I?
      - Just Hanging On

Your mother’s behaviour to you is so toxic, that you must avoid her. Your father should’ve reassured you of his love long ago.    
      It’s more than time to learn to “parent” yourself … not with escapes, but with a full process of therapy, the nurturing of friendships you can trust, and the satisfaction of doing the best you can at whatever you choose.    
      Divorce your mother, without wasting your energies on blame, accusations or other confrontations.