My husband and I had a 40-guest wedding last summer because we don't have a lot of money. The reception was at my parent's house; my aunt made my dress for free. My mother insisted that we invite her next-door neighbours, as she didn't want to hurt their feelings.

They turned up with their three college-aged kids and "significant others," all wearing jeans and t-shirts - eight people. They took up so many seats that my elderly grandmother was left wobbling with her walker until my husband noticed and gave her his chair.

I kept a smile on until I saw two slices missing from our wedding cake, which we hadn't yet cut.

When the kids got bored and left, I finally got to sit next to my new husband, but found I'd sat on their abandoned cake slice.

My aunt will replace the ruined fabric, but I want to know if it's unreasonable for me to ask the neighbours to pay for the extra expense of editing the cake stains (and my watery eyes) out of our wedding pictures.

They've already said that since the dress was free, they don't have to pay for the repairs.

Annoyed Bride

The neighbours (parents and kids) are rude, ignorant, and boorish... so don't expect them to care a fig about your dress.

Months later, its time for you to remember only the best of the day and what it meant to you and your husband. Clean your dress, and fix your photos on your own; you'll never get a cent from those people.

Don't blame your mom, who meant well, and don't refuse to visit her because of those people. But be sure they're never invited to anything involving you again.

My friend and I are both late-40s professionals, mothers of teens and college-age kids, always busy, frequently stressed. Our great bond has been humour... we often lift each other's spirits with a good laugh.

But my friend can go too far, get boisterous, hijack the conversation, and throw out some comments that aren't that funny.

Recently, when we'd been discussing some trouble I'm having with my teenage daughter, she said, "You've always indulged her too much because you're afraid of her not loving you, so she's always going to be spoiled!" Then she laughed.

I was stung. This daughter does well in school, is well liked and well mannered, doesn't drink, nor do drugs.

My "friend" also knows how much harder it's been for me to stay on top of things with my youngest as I progressed in my field. I'm so angry that I feel like never speaking to her again. What's your take on this so-called "funny" remark?

Upset

Humour that's wielded without sensitivity often has a cutting edge. Good friends know that a put-down of the other's parenting skills is a no-go zone. She crossed the line. Say so.

Otherwise, you'll continue seething and cool the friendship, and she'll never know why. Instead, she'll imagine you're the one who's gone "funny." Besides you've been close a long time, helped each other through a lot. That history warrants some forgiveness, at least once.

Say you were hurt, that even if she thought she was joking she knew she went to your sensitive spot and pressed hard. If she thought she was helping, she was mistaken. Friends are for support, not for dishing out unprofessional analysis.

Call soon. If she apologizes, forget it. But in future, share less of the stuff that feels very personal or sensitive to you.

I discovered that my son, ten, was viewing hardcore porn on our family computer. While I was at work, a friend showed him these sites.

I talked calmly with the boy, but worry if that's enough.   His father had/has a porn problem that branched into open relationships and swinging, which ended our marriage.

Sickened

Be careful to remember that the boy is NOT his father, so don't overreact. He may be naturally curious because of what he's heard you say about his father. But he shouldn't have access to such sites. Google this: "Parent Controls on the Internet" and you'll find many leads to software controls you can buy, tips for parents, etc.

Meanwhile, if the boy was disturbed by the images, say this is not most people's everyday viewing and he'll understand why when he's older. Also, call the friend's parents so they're aware of their child's Internet use.