My husband of 23 years has a wonderful family to whom I'm very close. Five years ago, his sister left her husband of 20 years for a man she met online, he also left his longtime marriage for her.

We didn't agree with it, but all in the family support her in every way. The ex brother-in-law was a fun, generous guy who everyone liked. The new guy's much older, cheap and tries to impress everyone with his well-paying job.

He's not close to his two grown children or grandchildren, which makes me wonder more about him. I've never seen my sister-in-law so happy because he treats her like a queen and I have no major issues with the guy except for listening to his bull-crap.

But there's just something about him I can't warm up to; he doesn't quite fit in with the family. I think my sister-in-law is making a huge mistake marrying this dork.

My husband agrees but wants me to mind my own business. Do I just say nothing to her?

Concerned

Hmmm, let's see what you can say... her being so happy isn't as important as how you feel about him? Or, his good income puts you off? Or, there's nothing you have against him but you still decided he's a dork and you're trying very hard to find fault?

Sure, I get it that there can be "early warning" signs, but no one appointed you the judge of this man. Anyone your sister-in-law would've chosen would be "different" from the last guy.... which is what she wanted, for her own reasons.

Say nothing; stay supportive. Try to appreciate the good things she finds in the man she loves. Giving negative warnings now will make you look bad, not him.

My husband's addicted to marijuana. He smokes everyday, I don't know how often. He's always smoked... it was cigarettes when we started dating. I let him know how I felt about it, and he said he'd quit. He tried many times. Finally, two and half years ago, he stopped.

The pot smoking was sporadic, usually a social thing with the guys... then he was spending less time with me. It soon became daily use after he quit cigarettes. I know his job is very stressful and it's his form of stress relief.

But I can't stand the smell, his mood swings and, worse, his short-term memory loss. Our kids are getting older, starting to learn about the dangers of drugs in school. I need it to stop now.

I've enabled his behavior for far too long. I want my husband back. Nobody knows about this problem. What do I do now?

Worried

Get realistic: The pot smoking belongs to him; you can't be the one to stop it. You may never succeed, so don't set yourself up to be the one who "failed."

Talk to an addiction counselor or go to an Alanon/Alateen meeting (in another locale if you wish, though everyone there respects privacy). Learn how other families handle this type of situation, how they deal with children's awareness and the conversations about making healthy choices.

If he doesn't stop, they'll also be affected by his mood swings and memory loss. These will be lessons in themselves.

Continue to tell him how his addiction affects you and the family. If his usage increases and it divides you further, you may consider leaving him and have to tell him so. That's not a threat, but a reality.

I'm fed up that "friends" never ask me how I'm doing. Conversations are one-sided, with me asking all the questions or doing all the listening. They never return my phone calls, never initiate get-togethers.

When I see acquaintances around the university, they avert their eyes and ignore me. It's making me feel very alone and resentful. I also have few female friends, so possibly I'm the problem. What should I do?

Fed Up

You're being very hard on yourself, even talking yourself into a depression. University can be a big lonely place if you feel insecure or haven't one good close friend you trust.

Talk to someone at student services - they refer to counselors experienced with the difficulties students face under academic pressure and on their own, away from family and longtime friends. It's not uncommon to have these feelings, but it's important to learn ways to re-boot your self-esteem.