My brother was killed in a car accident five years ago. My wife and I are currently separated, working on reconciliation.

My family and I hang a lot of pictures of my brother around our homes. My wife says we're putting it in our toddler daughter's face and that she's going to be asking about him sooner or later. But it's something she has no interest in addressing with the child for several years. What's your take?

Sensitive Topic

She's picking at a family wound when you two are supposed to be trying to heal. Many families have photos of grandparents no longer living, of beloved pets that have passed on. When children ask about them, thoughtful parents give age-appropriate answers.

Example at earliest age: "That's Daddy's brother whom we all loved so much." Where is he? "He can't be here now." (Or whatever else you agree on that won't create fear in a small child).

It'd be a symbolic slap to you and your family for your wife to take down these pictures. She should take that urge to the counselling sessions you must be having in order to reconcile. And probe its real meaning there, not at home.

My divorced friend invites us over for holidays, Sunday suppers, any occasion. She's a great cook, so my husband and I always appreciate the meal.

However, her teenage "brats" are extremely rude. The older daughter fights with her openly; her younger son just mumbles obscenities. She'll apologize briefly after the kids eat and run, and we say soothing things about how it's okay. We don't know what else to do.

Difficult Dinners

Eat at home. Invite your friend over, to talk. She and her "brats" are crying out for help, which they need more than witnesses at the verbal slaughter.

She's trying to act as though nothing's wrong, when everything IS going wrong. She must stop accepting their bad behaviour and negotiate a way to live together. She needs professional guidance to do this. And she needs your support as caring friends more than eager eaters.

My mother hates my wife. She's gotten most of the family to hate her as well. They've tried making me choose, making me feel bad, breaking us up, and not allowing me to see much of my siblings.

My wife never instigated the problem; she's tried tirelessly to get my family and me to stay close, to no avail.

Now she wants me to cut my family out altogether, and my family wants me to leave my wife.

I've tried talking it through with my family but they just deny and make up excuses. I want them in my life but my wife is the most important person to me and I hate to see her suffer.

Torn and Troubled

You've tried, she's tried, they haven't. The logic leaves you and your wife together, the family on the outside where they've placed themselves.

This is the time for a final stand with them, not a discussion: You want them in your life, but your life with your wife is your priority. You love them for having raised you, but you love her for the present and future. If they can't accept and respect her, you can't allow them to continue to stress both of you with tension, and badmouthing.

So, it either stops now or they now unfortunately sever your relationship with them.

(Don't worry; they'll call if they need you).

FEEDBACK Regarding periodic questions from readers, about how they should handle friends and/or family who ask to borrow money in hard times, but don't repay the loan when back on their feet and spending easily:

Reader - "It's never too late to ask for repayment of a loan. Invite the people over for lunch and have a repayment schedule prepared. "Conversation may go like this: 'we're so pleased that you're now clearly recovering from your financial crisis. We were glad to help you during your rough period, and expected no payment while you weren't working. Now it's time to discuss a re-payment schedule.' Have the schedule signed and dated.

"If there's no response, consider filing a small claim in court against the borrower(s). If they believe it should've been a "gift" they're not friends worth having. Even if family, next time refuse any request for a "loan."

Been there!