My boyfriend of nine months turned 60 last July. Both of his brothers asked me to help organize and run the birthday party celebrations. He introduced me to his mum, 86, and we like each other very much.

His daughter, 18, tried to exclude me from his party. She was surprised when I met her there, and was by his side to greet guests. He and I love each other very much but he says he loves his daughter more, and that I'd understand if I had a child of my own.

He is so hurt by his ex-wife (they were only married five years) and daughter that he's on heavy anti-depressant medication, but those two insist past therapy never helped him. The ex is intrusive and calls him constantly with demands.

So in mid-August he hugged me, walked out the door, and disappeared. I'm hurt but scared as he's said he's suicidal over conflicts with these selfish women.

I love him. I'm in my 50's and waited to find the man who not only engaged me heart, mind, and soul, but also completes me emotionally. I miss him everyday that he is not in my life.

Is there anything I can do now? Do I just pray that he finds his way back to my side?

Devastated

Pray, but get on with your life. He's been enmeshed in this situation for too many years to change easily. Your relatively short relationship was a window to a different life if he didn't let this ex-wife and daughter rule him. But the daughter and her need to have him at her side are very compelling. He naturally feels hugely responsible to her.

If he were to return, you'd have to be involved with this young woman who already resents you and tries to exclude you. It'll greatly affect any relationship you and he would have.

He's already stated his priority. Make yours clear to yourself - preserving your peace of mind. You know he had strong feelings for you, but not strong enough. Move on.

We're a group of four couples, friends for over 15 years. One wife in the group has always been uptight socially -arguing her points aggressively even in casual conversation, impatient with waiters, etc., all more noticeable when she's been drinking.

Lately, the rest of us find their presence makes us tense, due to something in the couple's dynamic. Whenever the husband is talking, he keeps looking at his wife as if to see if she disapproves. Or she'll cut him off when he starts a seemingly neutral topic, saying that's "private." She looks like a ticking time bomb.

We all like the husband a lot. He seems to be putting up with a real problem in their marriage but brushes off any attempt to talk about it. Also, we all know his wife drinks too much but she'd never consider attending a stop-drinking program.

Awkward Friendship

If you won't talk directly to him, your group will soon make your case indirectly by avoiding this couple. It's bound to happen.

So you might as well bite the bullet and talk to the husband whom you all like and who's undoubtedly as uncomfortable as you all are.

Encourage him to insist his wife address her drinking problem. And boost his self-protective instinctive need to try to get them both to counselling, or at least go himself. She may be the time bomb but he will be the collateral damage, unless he deals with this.

My boyfriend of four months decided we'd go somewhere for a January holiday. He said he'd look after all the arrangements. He's just announced we're going to an expensive resort, and he'd like my half of the cost now.

I thought, "I'll look after it," meant he was paying. I can't afford this place, and think I had a right to an opinion ahead of time if I'm paying half. How do I handle this? I don't want to lose this guy.

Annoyed

Speak up. If you silently seethe about the cost, you'll risk ruining the trip and losing him anyway.

Explain that you love his taking charge, but these are early days of dating and he likely didn't know your budget. Say what you can afford and ask if he can find another place with that in mind. How he responds to this is part of learning more about him.