My ex-wife is a great mother to my son, 5; we have joint custody, she’s the custodial parent. We’re good friends.     
      A main reason for our breakup was differences concerning finances. I’m back on my feet, but she’s not, because she likes to travel, whether for a week or weekend. She’s constantly in financial trouble and I’m always bailing her out of credit card debt, after her saying she doesn’t have money for groceries.    
      I must ensure my son has what he needs. I can’t stop her spending, yet I can’t afford to keep bailing her out. Her friends and I talked to her about this, but she says it’s none of our business how she spends money.      
      My lawyer also says it’s none of my business and to only pay the stipulated child support. But I can’t let them starve. What shall I do?
      - Between a Rock and a Hard Place

You’re still as “hooked” as you were when married. However, getting divorced was an even tougher decision and you’ve survived that well, even thrived. Now, consider legally seeking to have your son live with you – with his Mom still having joint custody.      
      This adjustment would provide your son with the necessities you fear he’ll do without under her financial management. Her trips would then be her own burden to afford. If she knowingly risks having them both go hungry in favour of her travel bug, then she’s not such a “great mother.”     
      Presenting this alternative to her – with legal arguments for doing so – may be enough reality-call for her to wake up to her responsibilities and plan for basic expenses before booking her frequent escapes. If so, you can continue to be caring and generous, but stop the bail-outs.

I received a disturbing Christmas wish-list email from my son's live-in girlfriend of two years. When we were first introduced, after two months dating, she was dressed very sexy and immediately revealed she wanted to live in a big condo and have lots of money.     
      Our son’s well educated and has a responsible job in a field he loves. She quit university in her first year and works as a receptionist. She spends a lot of money on herself, clothes, etc.     
      Our son loves her very much. She never visits us for long and always looks bored. Last Christmas, when opening her gifts, it was embarrassing. She openly said what she felt about the gifts - what the hell is this for; I hope its money, etc.     
      Last September, I asked everyone in the family to have Christmas here this year. I don’t want to hurt my son or estrange their relationship. However, his girlfriend’s emailed our daughter’s family and us an invitation to their home, with a plan and time set in stone.    
      She’s asked for our gift lists, ordering that they be sent early and “easy on her.” She emphasizes that she wants nothing else but the specific items listed. Example: A lingerie shop gift card as she needs undies.
      - Flummoxed

Your son loves her, you don’t … and this arouses your judgment, which she probably feels. Yes, she sounds self-absorbed and materialistic, nevertheless, he loves her.
      You can be adamant about wanting Christmas at your place and gifting what you choose, but that will only push them both away. OR, you can re-state your invitation for next year, send repeated reminders and drop unrealistic expectations from someone who’s unlikely to change.    
      This year, go to their house with the underwear gift-card.

My in-laws recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary; to my surprise, my husband's ex wife was there with their son, 16. My husband and ex aren’t friends. I had no problem with her … until she suddenly realized she wants him back (we’ve been married for eight years).    
      Their son asked if she could attend and my in-laws allowed it. I felt they showed me disrespect, knowing that we’re not on speaking terms.
      - Offended

Your in-laws and your step-son were clearly manipulated by this woman, who has her own agenda. So you can forgive them all, this time.    
      It’s your hubby’s task to set everyone straight: He gently tells his parents that she’s not part of his life, period. He kindly tells his son that he mustn’t get pushed into the middle trying to bring them together, it’s not going to happen. Lastly, he firmly tells his ex to back off, permanently.