I'm 24, and met a guy on an online dating site last spring. We text frequently, and met in person once at a restaurant.

It's hard for us to meet due to work schedules and he lives 90 minutes away. We're both prepared to move closer if needed. We have the same goals/hopes for the future.... romance, marriage, children, etc.

However, I was drugged and raped two years ago and have little trust in men besides my doctor and my family - especially those I meet online.

The rapist was caught, but found not criminally responsible due to a psychiatric illness. I've been found clear of HIV, hepatitis, etc, and had six months of counselling.

I'm ready to date again, but how do I rebuild trust in men? This man knows what happened and wants to show me true love. I don't want to lose him. But I feel my lack of trust is pushing him away, though my gut says he could be the one for me.

Crossroads

Distrust in men you barely know is warranted. That doesn't mean this man can't be trusted. Your readiness to date was a healthy sign, yet you chose to do so online.... almost guaranteeing that it'd take a long time to get to know someone well.

Clearly, your gut instinct is also telling you to take time. Find ways to meet more often. He can stay in town for several hours on a day off. You can take a bus to where he lives, and meet for a while. I'm talking about long chats, walks, seeing a little of each other's lifestyle, but NOT being alone at his place or yours - not yet.

Now's the time to renew counselling - not about the past, but about the present. There's no reason to rush ahead without a long getting-to-know-you phase.

I have a moral quandary. A person living in a small town is running for local government. He's a church reader, too. However, I know that he's been living in an incestuous relationship for years. I have proof.

When I've asked my male acquaintances whether I should release this information, all have said no.

But the women all said yes, saying his morals are in question and this would affect his decision-making for the public.

The men say his morals won't affect his position and I should leave it alone. I'm 63 and wouldn't like to think someone's making decisions when their own morality is skewed. Or is this acceptable in our society and am I behind the times?

He's never expressed remorse, only ever made excuses. He holds up what he does in the community as his way of giving back for his indiscretions.

Dilemma

Just whose standards are the accepted guideline ... those of popular President Bill Clinton, or of revered President John F. Kennedy, for example? These former world leaders are still respected, despite many proven indiscretions.

Also, what constitutes incest in this case? First cousins were once forbidden to marry but that's not so in all cultures today.

Do NOT be the informer in this matter. It will only reflect badly on you, as even more questions are raised - about why you have this "proof," and your motive for exposing the man. Even if you're correct about his relationship, his public behaviour may be so exemplary that many people will still admire him, but find your self-appointed role as judge and jury to be unacceptable.

We've always had lovely Christmas holidays with my in-laws. To make things easier, we choose names and buy one gift. Last year, after ten years of having a $100 limit on gifts, my father in-law bought my husband a $30 bag of bird food, put it in a garbage bag, with no card or bow, as my husband's Christmas gift from his very affluent father. (No, he doesn't have any health problems.)

If we get his name do we reciprocate?

Annoyed

No. Instead of building up an attitude about Christmas weeks ahead, spend the time trying to find out what was his father's message. Anger about something between them? A joke that bombed? Some sense that everyone counts his money?

This is your husband's investigative task, not yours.

Meanwhile, rise above it when you choose your gifts for Dad. Maybe he thought your previous choices were, well, for the birds.