I've recently returned to work after maternity leave. Childcare is not great where I live, so my son has to be in a home-care situation until he's 18 months. He's adjusted beautifully but must be picked up by five o'clock. Since I commute 90 minutes to work, I've spoken to my manager about leaving early and working the balance from home.

This wasn't met with huge support and I feel as though I'm letting them down. I'm looking for work closer to home.

My partner works longer hours than I do. I'm not receiving the support I need at home, yet I'm still expected to do most of the duties, including nearly all preparation to get a one-year-old out the door.

At the end of the day I'm frazzled and tired. That's when my loving partner puts his hand on my thigh and I feel guilty for wanting to sever it from his arm!

How do I balance back to work, a new baby, a career I want to grow, a household, and a marriage without going crazy? Is it even possible? How do I prioritize? Arrgh!

Juggling

Breathe. It's a start. If anyone had the "One-Size-Fits-All" answer to the balance issue, it'd be worth a fortune.

However, every solution to this quandary has to be adjusted for each family's life. Then it has to be flexible enough to change with the variables of your child's age, a job change, different seasons, another child, etc.

Keep breathing.... don't panic. You're on the right track by questioning and planning.

The priorities are clear: First, your child; Second, you and your husband; Third, your work; Fourth, your home (Note to Single Parents - you still come before the job, because staying healthy is essential).

So, go with the best childcare you can afford and which keeps your child happy and safe, and which you can manage to get to, physically. If any of those factors change, seek new childcare.

Then you and your husband need to discuss life as a new parenting team, and look for workable compromises. Can he drive the child one way? Can he help out in different ways, e.g. pick up a take-out meal, take his shirts to a dry cleaner near his work, etc.?

The "hand on the thigh" matters. Yes, you're both tired, which is why you need to refresh yourselves and your relationship with couple time. Create a weekly "date night" when the baby's asleep, and make it fun/sexy/relaxing, whatever's needed. If you can get a babysitter, get out. Otherwise, create a picnic on the bedroom floor, watch a romantic comedy, play some nice music and dance. Let nature take over. If the laundry truly can't wait, fit this in on the dry cycle.

Try the work schedule you proposed, but also look for a closer job. Forget guilt about "letting down" anyone, you're trying to have a manageable life, the same thing everyone else wants.

If you both earn enough, get cleaning help weekly, twice a month, or for big cleanups. You cannot do everything to the max, yourself, and shouldn't.

Network. Talk to other parents about their strategies for handling busy lives. Learn the short cuts and use them, always remembering your priorities.

To help you, I'm calling on my wonderfully responsive readers:

Dear Readers - Please send in your tips, tricks and best ideas for young working parents to keep some balance in their lives. I'll publish a selection in the near future.

FEEDBACK Regarding the letter from

"Concerned" (Oct. 13) over her boyfriends' lack of "hoopla" to celebrate her birthday:

Reader - "I truly don't understand how or why adults feel this need to be treated like a prince/princess on their birthday. I grew up in a busy household with career-parents who were fantastic all year-round.

"So what if on my birthday things were a little busy and I didn't have a cake, or had to wait till the weekend to have a nice dinner out? I learned to understand that when I was ten! Now that I'm older I appreciate my birthday acknowledgment when it comes, but to be so expectant seems particularly selfish - especially when we're all adults.

"Besides, when you look at your life and you have something to be thankful for every day, why put so many expectations on one single day?"

One Man's View