Dear Readers - Here's a personal story that will have meaning (or raise debate) among many of you:

FEEDBACK Regarding the question (January 7) about a person's smoking habit, and the excuses that were given:

Reader - "I gave those same excuses years ago. Then, in 1975, after smoking three to four packs a day for 30 years, I quit cold turkey. My wife had sent me to a doctor because I coughed so much. He said I had a spot on my lung and that it was cancer and my lung had to be removed immediately. I quit that day.

"I asked the doctor my survival chances after the operation. He said 70/30, but didn't tell me that it was in favour of my NOT making it. He told my wife the truth - that I most likely had six months. She kept this to herself, and from our children. Somehow, I beat those odds.

"I had occasional fleeting desire for a cigarette, but it lasted only a second and was gone.

"I'd previously quit many times on bets, tried to cut down, but was never serious about stopping. I now say anyone can quit if they make up their mind they really want to.

"If you say you cannot quit, you're just making excuses for not having enough will power. Your clothing smells, your car smells, the house smells, your teeth aren't white, and you put at risk everyone near you when you're smoking.

"And if you have to have a lung removed, I can tell you, it'll hurt for years and remind you of how smart you were to quit.

"Next time someone says, "I'd like to quit," tell them to have enough guts to do so."

I'm a freelance professional bookkeeper. I attended community college, got an associates degree in accounting, have 12-plus years of experience.

Yet I'm still viewed as a glorified secretary when it comes to my credibility and rates. I feel I'm no less a professional than an accountant, attorney, engineer or medical practitioner. Most business owners view my stated rates as starting points for negotiation. I'll bet not one would haggle with their accountant or doctor.

The first question is often, "what's your rate?" I respond that I don't quote rates as I offer many value-added services and prefer a personal meeting to evaluate needs, show what I offer, and discuss rates then.

If the rate question's repeated, I respond that, if they're only "price shopping" I don't believe I can help them. Is this appropriate?

A Professional

This is more about your relationship with yourself as well as with clients, than who's a professional and how to charge.

If your focus on your own image were bringing in the demand for your services, fine. But apparently it's not. As a service provider in a tight economy, you need to loosen up on stressing your self-importance, and understand that people have a right and need to seek an affordable rate.

Sorry, you do NOT carry the influence and years of education of a doctor or lawyer, and while pride in your ability is important, an inflated ego is counter-productive.

Your approach isn't working. Establish your base rate and answer the question, adding that you also offer many more services and can assess any extra costs once you know the client's full needs.

Get your foot in the door first, and then you can prove your worth.

I just learned that my parents are divorcing. I'm cutting off my mother, who's saying she "needs" to leave the marriage. I think she's just afraid of getting old.

She obviously doesn't give a damn about my sister and me, we're 22 and 20. I don't believe her that she'll "always be there for us." My father's heartbroken! How can I make her stay, or do I just never see/speak to her again?

Furious Son

You're entitled to this initial emotional response, but aside from venting, it accomplishes nothing. You're worried about how your life will be affected. But if both parents have always been responsible and loving, neither is about to abandon you.

Get a grip and have some trust that your mother has her own reasons (which you do NOT know) for this. Counselling would help you settle down your fears, and deal rationally with the situation.