I’m 22, dating a girl for three months; we both live with our parents, and spend most of our time at her place, about four nights weekly. 

Several times, we spent the night there and at my place when parents were away.

I’d met her family and attended family events. I tend not to introduce a girl to my family until a solid relationship’s established.

When I did invite her for a family occasion, she backed off quickly stating that she wasn’t looking for a boyfriend, but still wants to spend time together.

I said she should evaluate things and we shouldn’t speak for a while. She messaged a few days later, saying that being apart didn’t feel right.

She invited me to her house for a movie. I went, and she’s since asked me to “hang out” again. I’m struggling to determine her intentions.

- Confused

You handled the first red flag wisely; now, be just as wary of subtle alarm signals. 

So far, she’s simply indicating that she likes to have you around as needed by her. It says nothing about her intentions beyond the day-to-day.

Your not wanting a relationship that’s predetermined by her to go nowhere is a self-protective decision… but maybe she’s being self-protective, too.

Next time she calls you to come over, turn off the movie and talk. Why is she trying to control the future? Perhaps she had a past bad experience, or feels it’s too early for any level of commitment.

If she can’t come to some agreement on how to continue dating in a way that’s comfortable for both of you, be very thoughtful about what you can handle.

You’re sensible, young, and still somewhat dependent on parents. It’s not a good time to be involved with someone who pulls all the strings.

A good friend of mine from my hometown has been married to a creep for 10 years; he cheated on her and she took him back immediately, without much discussion. 

Neither of them has had counselling about it, and she’s not the type to discuss it with friends.

Before the affair, he was a “one-upper” type, and constantly made inappropriate, sexual comments to her friends, including me.

This has continued, and it’s become unbearable to be around him. He does it right in front of my friend - and I know she’s chosen to ignore it rather than face reality.

They’re making plans to come and stay with my husband and I, but I don’t want him in my house.

Do I say something about the comments or do I make an excuse?

- Had Enough

Your friend has had enough trouble, without you becoming the Supreme Judge of her husband (and therefore her, for putting up with him) when she thinks they’re coming for a pleasant visit. 

An outright lie would be hurtful, but if you can find a reason why they can’t stay with you, and suggest reasonable accommodation elsewhere, it’s best to not have him around you too much.

Perhaps you could then spend some time alone with your friend – sightseeing, lunch, etc. You can ask how things are going, but don’t pressure her to open up.

If you must be in this man’s company, and he says something sexual, answer straight away – without going overboard - that you don’t appreciate the comment. Then continue the conversation.

Your friend’s made a choice, for now; be supportive that she has that right.

Should I attend a baby shower for someone I’ve lost touch with for two years? 

Six of us were high-school friends 20 years ago and kept contact throughout marriages and first children.

Two women stayed close, but gradually lost touch with the four who’ve received the invitations.

One friend says it’ll be nice to reconnect. The other two aren’t keen.

My gut reaction is to decline, but I don’t want to regret my choice.

- Uncertain

Babies are always worth celebrating, so the very least you should do is send a congratulatory card; a small gift would honour the old friendship, but isn’t absolutely necessary. 

Re-connecting doesn’t have to mean being obligated to return to closer ties. It could be a lot of fun, especially if all four of you attended, for old times’ sake.

However, if the loss of contact had some underlying reasons you don’t want to re-visit, then don’t go.