I’ve started attending a Pilates class at my local gym. The teacher is great, the class is challenging and I’m feeling better and better each time I go. I’ve noticed that there are a group of women who all look around my age who also attend the same classes as I do. Twice a week, same group. There are about six of them. I’ve noticed that after one of the classes they all go and have a coffee together nearby. One time I saw them and waved and a few waved back.
I’d really like to join them one day. I’m new to the area, recently divorced and looking to meet new people. Do you think it’s all right for me to ask? Or do I have to wait to be invited?
Pilates Pals
I think it’s fantastic that you are willing to ask them yourself. That shows confidence and I like that. Absolutely you should ask them if you can join. But I would attempt a nonchalance rather than desperate attitude. You could say, for example, “Hey, I notice you get coffee at that little café next door. Is it any good?” If that doesn’t induce an invite, just add, “If anyone’s going today, mind if I join?”
Only the most unfriendly unkind person would say no – unless they’re in some sort of meeting. And if they do say no, do NOT take it personally. It’s about them and not you. There will be others.
I have a crush on my friend’s dad. He’s single, and has been divorced a long time. I think he likes me too. He’s always so nice to me, offers to drive me home, pick up food for us, take us wherever we want to go. I haven’t mentioned anything to my friend. I’m scared she’ll stop being my friend. But my crush is strong!
What do I do?
Dad crush
First of all, you haven’t mentioned your age, however, if you are under the age of consent, this becomes a legal matter. Since the crush in question is a parent of a friend, the age increases due to the power imbalance. In the province of Ontario, the age of consent is 16. When there is a large age gap, or power imbalance, it rises to 18.
So, if you are under 18, it is illegal for your friend’s father to engage in any sexual activity with you.
Now, let’s look at the reality of this situation. You say he’s nice to you, drives you everywhere, etc. Is that how he behaves with all his daughter’s friends? Or just you? Could you be seeing something that isn’t there?
Regardless of his feelings or yours, this is a bad idea. You’re young and have literally thousands of people to choose from with whom to start a relationship. Yes, you can’t “help” who you fall for, but it would behoove you to do your best to forget about this man and look for love amongst your peers.
You’re right – you will ruin your friendship. She will never invite you over.
I’m not saying that you can’t ever be with an older man, just not now and not this one. Distance yourself.
FEEDBACK Regarding uncomfortable (Nov. 23):
Reader – “Some people find it ‘exciting’ when there is a danger of ‘getting caught.’ But, if that is the ONLY ‘turn on,’ then what else is there to this relationship?
“What do these two want out of the relationship? He says his girlfriend wants to have sex often, which he’s happy about, then what’s the issue? But it sounds like he is looking for something deeper. If so, it’s time to have a serious adult discussion.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the single bride (Nov. 26):
Reader – “Is live streaming a possibility? Ever since COVID, the world is on Zoom or live streamed. No one must miss out on anything, ever.”
Lisi – GREAT idea! Though I find that the further away from that 18 months of school closures and work-from-home, the less people are inclined to zoom, and the less it’s available. However, she could always hire someone to do it for her at her own event.”
Reader #2 – “You seem to be saying that people who are taking precautions against COVID have mental health issues. You cannot compare COVID to a common cold or even strep throat. At least 15 per cent of the people infected with COVID will suffer long-term systemic health problems, perhaps forever. Trying to avoid this calamity does not mean you are mentally ill.”
Lisi – That’s NOT what I’m saying. The bride mentioned that one sister is physically unwell, and that the other two had mental health issues. She described one as narcissistic and the other, as having issues with COVID. Her descriptions, not mine.