I didn't know my daughter’s father long before I got pregnant. He asked me to get an abortion, but I couldn't do it.

At seven months pregnant, I discovered he was online looking for sex with random people and had sexted many, with pictures.

We were still living together, and one night he brought a girl home.

We got into a fight because he promised he wouldn't, and he ended up slamming me into a wall (eight months pregnant).

My parents let me move in with them the next day. When I had my daughter, I told him three days after. He came to see her, but I was so scared of him and couldn't stand him touching her.

I cut him off to protect us both. We ran into him when she was six-months-old, and I said I’d give visits a try.

He sees her every two weeks. She cries when he first  tries to hold her but gets used to him eventually.

I'm feeling uncomfortable around him because he isn't taking my “No” seriously and feels he should be in charge.

I see myself as her sole caregiver and her protector. What are some positive things I can do in this situation?

Frightened Mother

You need a legal agreement regarding  and defining his visits, which you should get through the family court in your jurisdiction.

This child’s father physically assaulted you when he was angry.

The agreement should restrict him from being alone with the child (a crying baby might also provoke anger) despite having visiting rights.

It must also include your having sole custody (it should be easy to establish legally if he’s providing no financial support).

If he’s argumentative about your instructions regarding your daughter, ask for a mediator’s help, and a requirement that he take a parenting course if he’s to have regular visits.

Also, insist that your parents be present when he visits if he won’t listen to you.

Seek legal aid help or hire a lawyer.

 

My husband and I dearly love our one-month-old baby son.
However, I've been feeling over-cautious and weary about our son's development and future - a sentiment that’s not as pronounced in my husband.

I'm jealous of his in-the-moment enjoyment of our son, especially during these early stages.
I feel this way because my older brother committed suicide at 31, after suffering many years from severe clinical depression.

Whenever something joyous happens in my life, I feel like it can always "go wrong." I'm sabotaging my own enjoyment of life experiences, and applying this logic to my own son.  How do I break this pattern of thinking?
 Perpetually Weary

Get to your doctor immediately, your past loss may be triggering a post-partum depression.

It’s not unusual for you to have been deeply affected by your brother’s experience and your loss. Any new emotional event might’ve brought on anxiety, fears, and weariness based on the past.

But post-partum depression affects you and your baby when he needs you the most. It’s his present care and positive handling that’s important for him to feel from you and his father.

If you’re too weary and depressed to act on this on your own, ask for your  husband’s and/or parents’ help to get you to your doctor right away.

Your husband couldn’t have shared the same premonitions because he didn’t experience the same depth of loss of your brother. But he can help you greatly now.

I’m pretty stressed out at times and was wondering if you can help me out with how you are dealing with all the issues out there.

Overwhelmed

I can empathize with anyone who feels stressed by today’s world events. Every day we read about potential and real conflicts on many fronts - from the political, to religious wars, to major health crises.

Fortunately, most of us live day-to-day with lesser personal issues, and can’t be expected to resolve or even participate in all of the others.

It’s good to be informed and understand the issues, but if large, unresolvable international events are worrying you, then you need to step back and return to the personal.

You may be needing a health check to see if something internal has changed and affected you. You may benefit from counselling to look at the immediate stresses in your life and put the others into perspective.