My wife of ten years had an affair with several men, and a couple of boys starting last fall. I finally woke up and caught her. I came home early.

I'm still devastated. We have two beautiful children (eight and five). She has since moved in a homeless guy with over 11 children by six different women.

I have fought to keep the kids away from her bad judgment (and the Judge has awarded me full custody). But I don't want the kids to not have their mother in their lives.

I'd die if my babies got sucked into a world so foreign to them. There so many things that she did that cost her to lose all visitation rights for almost half a year. Still, she persists in at least partial custody and wishes to bring them into her new world of self-destruction.

We're still legally married, even though she acts otherwise. I want to move on, find someone else, but can't without fear of jeopardizing my children's future. I pray for when the divorce is final, but I know we'll always share our two babies. Does it get better? Will I ever stop watching my two little ones sleep at night in fear of what she'll expose them to?

Disastrous Situation

No, you'll never stop watching over your children's welfare, nor should you until you're assured they're grown, stable, and able to care for themselves.
Yes, this is a disastrous situation, but you need to preserve your energy and strength to handle it, as you've been doing. She's her own lost cause, for whatever reasons, but you need to maintain contact to be aware of what's going on. And you need to stay in touch with all the legal aspects of protecting your children.

Though you're naturally hoping to find love and companionship for yourself, proceed slowly and cautiously.

While the children will benefit if you're in a happy, "normal" relationship, they also need to feel they have your full attention, for quite a while. Consider getting counselling for them and yourself, to help get through these changes.

I just ended a two and a half year relationship. While he'd started seeing me, he "transitioned" out of another relationship and didn't tell me. Eventually I discovered he'd cheated on me with his ex.

Though we've broken up, we have still been intimate. He told me he hasn't moved on, but on three occasions I've seen him make plans with another woman. I feel it's right to end our relationship, but I feel sorry for the lady he's with because he's given her the impression that we have not been together.

She's well respected and I fear he will hurt her, too. Should I tell her that she's been cheated on already? I'm not her friend, but she's been through her own struggles and I'm not sure she would want him. I realize he would never talk to me again.

Unsure

Examine your motives - are they really about her, or about getting back at him? Your question is a popular and controversial one, that's been debated in this column: "Do I tell on a cheater?"

But often, I find that there's a mixed message from the person who asks the question. It's not only about "saving" the other woman, or seeking some revenge. It's also about keeping some "connection" with the cheater, not really moving on.

So I say, No. It's between them what happens, unless she makes the first move and asks you.

I'm a professional, divorced woman, 55, with a loving family. I experienced a close relationship with a gentleman who died two years ago. New male friends are appearing on the scene.

What are today's accepted moral "rules" about sexual relations? I wish to enjoy myself and not be prudish.

Yet, I shy away from the nice married men at work and church who want a "buddy" situation, or a threesome only.

My goal is to achieve another rewarding, lasting relationship based on love, trust, and mutual interests.

Dreaming?

Most people who write me have much the same relationship goal as yours. Since you've already been exposed to invitations for "threesomes," you're not naïve. The moral "rules" are more individualistic than absolute, but that means you do what feels comfortable and acceptable for you.

Many men you'll date will also wonder about this. Talk about it, when appropriate, rather than rush in or away.