My best friend is showing signs of dementia, but she is only in her mid-60s. She’s a widow whose son died last year from cancer. Her parents are long gone, and she was an only child. She has no one to look after her – other than me.

She’s my bestie and of course I’ll take care of her, but I still have an elderly father to care for, in his 90s, a husband and children of my own. And I have a full-time job. My time is limited.

How do I make sure she feels cared for when she’s sixth on the rung of priorities? I would never let her suffer, or go through anything alone, but I can’t focus on her and only her. I’m feeling overwhelmed with responsibility.

Triple decker sandwich

I feel for you as it’s hard enough to care for children and parents simultaneously. But if your children are healthy and somewhat self-sufficient, you could bump up your girlfriend’s priority during her time of need. Find the time to help her navigate the health system to get some understanding of where’s she’s at with her dementia, and what her timeline could look like, in terms of losing more cognition.

Help get her some outside assistance, such as a PSW, if that’s a necessity. You could also help her manage her deficiencies, depending on what they are, by sourcing tools. For example, if she has trouble remembering days, help her create a calendar that she can look at daily. A lot depends on the type of dementia she has and how fast it progresses.

I’m certain you’re going to need reinforcements at some point to cover all your bases.

I think I suffer from S.A.D. – Seasonal Affective Disorder – and I am miserable for most of the winter. But this winter was extremely difficult for me for a variety of reasons, and I feel I’m still stuck even though we’re already into spring.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I couldn’t get to where I wanted to be for New Years’ Eve, and as a result, was alone in my house with nothing to do and with no one to celebrate. Then, right around Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend and I broke up. We both knew it was over, but we were dragging our feet. Still, Valentine’s Day hit hard because I was alone.

And about two weeks ago, I slipped on some ice and broke my ankle. So now I’m hobbling around, unable to go out and socialize or do the things I love, like Spin classes and CrossFit.

How do I get out of this rut?

Still SAD

Valenitne’s Day is one of those Hallmark holidays that can cause as much stress for some as it creates happiness for others. Even for those in healthy relationships, the pressure to buy flowers, a gift, go out for dinner, propose, whatever, can be overwhelming, not to mention expensive and stressful. And if you’re alone, or newly single, all the media/news can make a person feel like crap. I get it.

Take charge of your next Valentine’s Day before it creeps up. Make plans to go to a movie with a friend – and NOT a rom-com! Or get together with some girlfriends for a Galentine’s Day event. Buy your besties flowers, chocolates, friendship bracelets. But save your money and invite everyone over. Prices are jacked on that day.

Regarding your ankle, listen to your doctor. If they say to stay off it, stay off it. The longer you allow it to heal, the faster it will heal, if that makes sense. Pushing yourself can cause you pain and hinder the healing process. Be patient. Find upper body exercises that you can do in the meantime.

Lastly, speak to your doctor about your self-diagnosis.  Perhaps they can help with treatments and/or medications.

FEEDBACK Regarding the extremely literal husband (Jan. 10):

Reader – “Your answer about the literal minded husband was perfect. I remember a colleague with similar behaviour. Unfortunately, nothing was done until a life-altering brain tumour was removed. Hopefully your reply will lead to a happier outcome.

“As you point out, major changes in personality may be symptoms of illness. It is important to follow them up and not just respond with annoyance or denial.”

Reader #2 – “Too Specific's husband sounds like he's on the spectrum. His family needs to learn to work WITH him, not get him to ‘lighten up’ or change. For example, if the daughter needs a ride, DON'T ask, ‘Can you give me a ride?’ Be specific. He needs more information than that. His brain isn't going to change.”