Recently, I bought a magazine that had an article about a gay couple who’d adopted a baby; I thought it’d be an interesting story.

My boyfriend looked at the magazine and started to rip it up; he didn’t approve of the subject.

I got angry that he destroyed my property. Am I overreacting? I felt he was really overstepping his boundaries.

When I got mad at him, he just sat there, never apologized, and acted like it was okay for him to do this.

Ripped Article

If he’s still your boyfriend, you’re not reacting enough!

First, there’s his bigotry. While it’s his right to not approve of gay adoptions for himself, his attitude and actions signal a man who doesn’t discuss things he doesn’t like, doesn’t want you reading about things he doesn’t like, and feels he can control you.

Then, there’s his anger. He acts out, rips your property, and thinks nothing of it.

This time he tore reading material. You should be worried about how he’ll react if it’s something you’re wearing that he doesn’t like, or something you said.

If he won’t go for anger management counselling, you’ll have bigger problems ahead.

I’m getting married this summer. My future mother-in-law has tossed out many barbs... e.g. what size will I be when I walk down the aisle? Or, I don't include her son in the planning (he’s said he’s not interested, but I still run everything past him).

She recently criticized how I addressed her invitation (I wrote ‘Mom’ on the card) and she critiqued the verse on the invite, too.
I’ve been tolerating her barbs for several years. My fiancé does his best to intervene, but I see a war coming and wouldn’t want him to choose.

She insists the comments are innocent but the fact they continue despite me arguing back makes me think otherwise.
Her son is kind, loving, and supportive. How do I deal with this woman? I was raised to respect my elders, but won’t tolerate these comments. Especially at our wedding. I plan on editing her role in the ceremony to prevent the overtly snide comments.

Fed Up Bride

Some people use sarcasm rather than straight-up talk, but she does cross the line. But, since you have many years ahead with her as your MIL try to NOT have a war, by taking a different approach.

Many grooms’ mothers’ fear that they’re losing a son, especially if the bride-to-be is a strong, assertive woman (normally great attributes, but not to the anxious, insecure MIL). So they offer unasked opinions, make critical comments, and try to insert themselves into the wedding plans.

Disarm her. Thank her for having raised a great son. Tell her you want her in your life as a couple, but you have your own ways, your fiancé knows and approves of what you’re doing, so she needn’t worry. And writing “Mom” was a way to acknowledge her as more than another guest.

Her role at the wedding itself is pretty standard, doesn’t call for her to make a speech, but she should be in the wedding party and receiving line and head table if your parents are. Anything less will look bad on you, more than on her.

Also, your fiancé should be reassuring her that she’s not losing him as a son. But when she makes a snide reference to your “size,” he should get back to her on his own and say that he does not appreciate it.

FEEDBACK Regarding “Conflicted Emotions” whose long-difficult mother is now dying (Feb. 8):

Reader – “Having lost my husband and my brother to cancer in recent years, I see the signs that the mother’s terrified of dying.

“Yes, she may’ve always been prone to mood swings, and disowned one family member after another, in the past. But directing her worst behaviour to her husband/caregiver, shows she’s now deeply scared.

“Not until caring for a person who’s been given the final notice that the cancer’s won, can someone understand the gamut of emotions felt. Nor how that person deals with their demise, from anger towards their main caregiver, to suddenly dancing. I’ve seen that.

“The daughter’s letter shows she’s only concerned about her own world, not that of her dying mother.”

Ellie – Your perspective on the dying mother is helpful. But the daughter wrote about her feelings, which deserved acknowledgement.