My common-law husband and I have been together five years and have three children.  

He’s struggled with a gambling addiction, alcoholism and depression for as long as I’ve known him.

His mother, who’d gotten a mortgage for us under her name because we didn’t qualify, backed out of the agreement allowing us to purchase the house once we qualified.

It’s been an unhappy year and I’m tired of my husband’s drinking and gambling, which seems to be increasing.

What do I say when my husband comes home early in the morning after a night of drinking and gambling? I’ve tried being patient and supportive, I’ve also tried being angry but nothing seems to work.

- Fed Up

Say NOTHING at that moment when he’s feeling apprehensive about your reaction, and over-stimulated by drink. But say what’s necessary to be discussed between you a couple of days later, and AFTER you’ve thought out your options. Hand him information about where to get help for his addictions then tell him it’s a condition of your staying together. 

Meanwhile, seek legal aid and counselling help (affordable through agencies such as Family Services Association), to understand the consequences of your choices. While your children need their father in their lives, they also need him to at least try to be responsible.

Otherwise, he’s not only a negative role model; he’s also risking their security by possibly losing whatever monies you two have.

Help your husband find local meetings for Alcoholics Anonymous and Gambler’s Anonymous.

You’d also benefit yourself, by attending Al-Anon to learn about the experiences of others in your situation.

Talk to his mother, too. She may’ve been trying to make sure he can’t gamble away your home… so find out what her plans are if he continues in this lifestyle. She may be your best ally.

My wife and I have been married for 33 years and my sex life has been almost non-existent. 

I’ve lived an angry and sexually frustrated life. We’ve discussed this and get the same result. She doesn’t see it as a problem, since otherwise we have a pretty good relationship now.

In the earlier years, I was always frustrated and didn’t want to do things together (I did anyway, hoping it would lead to a romantic evening.)

I don’t know if her libido is so low, or that she’s just not interested.

She discussed our problem with our family doctor; he suggested taking a trip.

I’m almost 55 and my sexually active years are quickly declining. I don’t want to die knowing I didn’t do something about this.

- Wit’s End

This problem has been going on too long to be resolved by “a trip,” without added insights as to why sex hasn’t been possible within your regular routines. 

You need to both see a specialist in sex therapy, and you must both be open to learning what’s blocked this level of intimacy between you.

But if nothing works, you must face the long-term reality of not having a sexual partner. Some couples with similar circumstances, have an unspoken acceptance of one partner finding sexual release elsewhere; some will continue as is; others will break up.

These are the serious possibilities you should consider, rather than talking about dying. You have years to go, and since you and your wife get along well, it’s more than time for you both to confront this issue honestly, and with respect for each other’s needs.

This guy took my number, and we talked twice. 

After three months, he called me again.

The next call, he told me he’s married, depressed (unhappy with his marriage, work) and found a real friend in me. We started talking every day and he started doing good.

I fell for him.

He’s moving out of country soon, but I’m emotionally very attached to him. What should I do?

- Losing Him

Be proud of your ability to help someone else, and use those skills to face reality yourself. Your friend adjusted to his situation, and undoubtedly you aided in his confidence building and his facing up to planning ahead. 

Now, tell yourself that he’s moved on, as he should, and you need to be confident on doing so, too.

Look to connect with someone who’s NOT involved already, and wants to be with you for yourself, not just to help him.