It’s mid-December and I still don’t have a plan for the holidays. My boyfriend and I broke up in the summer, and I am not dating anyone new right now. My parents have gone down to Mexico for a few months, where I am welcome, but they were invited on to a friend’s boat for the holiday weeks somewhere that doesn’t include me. I could go to Mexico, but I’d be there alone, which doesn’t seem like a great idea.

My sister is pregnant, so she’s not doing anything but nesting. And my brother lives abroad. Most of my friends are in relationships and it just seems that this year everyone is kind of doing their own thing with their families, and their partner’s families.

I’m trying not to panic, but I’m not the kind of person who enjoys being alone on a regular basis and certainly not during the holiday period. What do you suggest I do?

Lonely holidays

I am a renowned list maker, so I would start with pen and paper (or a note on my phone). Make a list of everyone you could possibly imagine spending your holidays with, in order of LOVE, to “it could be fun.” Not to “rate” people, but just so you don’t mistakenly ask your ex’s sister before your bestie.

Your parents are away, but you could use their place in Mexico. Your brother’s away…. might he want to meet you at your parents? Your sister’s pregnant and nesting…. Might she want help putting together the nursery? Your friend Sarah hates her boyfriend’s sister…. Maybe you could “steal” her away from one of his family gatherings?

Look at your schedule and fill the holes as best you can. Reach out to friends who may not know that you’re now single and ask if they’re doing anything fun that you could join. And then go online and see what’s happening in your neighbourhood, at your community centre or place of worship, if you have one.

I have been wrestling with this for over a year: My work friend's son has been convicted of murder. Because of his son action's, he fell into alcoholism and lost his marriage as well as appearing in court with a highly unbelievable alibi. (I have seen him lie to his wife while sitting right next to me).

The case is being appealed so my emotional roller coaster is continuing. Lately he has been reaching out, and I have ghosted him. I don’t want to get drawn back into more drama.

My guilt comes from him supporting me during a mental breakdown while my other friends ran in the opposite direction. But I’m worried for my own mental health. I cannot engage again with him and his ex-wife. I also don't want to have to say to his face that I think he’s being taken for a ride by his son (it has already cost him the house in legal fees).

How can I help from a safe distance?

Murder, He wrote

Your friend supported you during your crisis, so I understand why you feel the need to support him. However, supporting him doesn’t have to mean lying on his behalf, or agreeing with his thoughts or actions. No parent wants to believe that their child is capable of something as heinous as murder. But every murderer is someone’s child.

Your friend needs professional counselling to get through this emotional typhoon. And you need to protect yourself. You could choose to be there as a supportive listener, a shoulder to cry on, a home where he can get a hot meal. If it gets too much, take some space. Don’t get sucked in.

FEEDBACK Regarding the senior scared and alone (Sept. 11):
Reader - “She is alone, in pain, abnormally afraid, widowed and with a son making peculiar remarks. She needs to see her doctor and to be honest about all her fears. But at the same time, it sounds as though she is isolated and needs to reach out to potential support groups in her community.  Or she can just visit a local community centre and see what’s available.

“She should also check for activities she might enjoy, like exercise, dance, cards, learning a new language, etc.  And given that she was a teacher, she might consider volunteering in literacy or homework programs.  The worst thing you can do when you’re in pain is to cut yourself off from pleasant distractions.

“It may be hard to take the first step to re-engage with the world, and the magic won’t happen immediately, but if you stick with it, you’ll generally be rewarded.”