My boyfriend of several years has become skinny and I'm barely sexually attracted to him anymore.
He was always lanky, but lately, he's lost more weight (maybe ten pounds) and most muscle, and is nearly frail-looking.
Recently, he doesn't eat much – maybe 1500 calories a day or less.
I think he has no appetite. We've talked about it lightly a couple of times. It’d be unlike him to starve himself.
I've been working out and tried to convince him to do so too, but he has no interest. He isn't depressed.
We're having sex maybe once weekly, but, it isn't fun when you aren't turned on by the other person.
I love him, and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but not like this.
I've tried gently suggesting he eat a little more or work out lightly, and said I think he’d be happier if he were healthier. But I can't push it.
Do I see if this is just a phase? Or, talk to him about it? Or, learn to adjust?
Too Skinny Lover
What’s really wrong with this picture? Reacting to a weight and muscle loss as a sexual turn-off instead of serious concern about his looking frail.
Get him a doctor’s appointment and go with him. Unless he’s actually anorexic – and that’s serious too – weight loss can be a significant signal of illness that needs to be diagnosed.
He sounds lethargic and may well be depressed without you believing so.
Stop talking “lightly” about this. Being a life partner is about far more than sexual attraction.
Check into his health and well being.
A friend is/was engaged to my husband's best friend. They bought a home together. Soon after, it was discovered she's been cheating on him for months with a co-worker (I suspect it's more than one co-worker, as she "swings" both ways).
My husband and I have known her fiancé for much longer than we've known her. He’s desperately trying to convince her to return to their home.
But I don't think I could ever be friends with her again, even if they re-unite. I'm seriously considering cutting off all contact.
I don't invite drama into my life. Also, it's breaking my heart to see our friend bend over backwards trying to get her back.
She still won't give him a straight answer, and I see her as stringing him along until she decides her other guy (and possibly other girl) aren’t worth the long-term.
Meanwhile, she plays the victim on social media and that disgusts me.
But if they do get back together, I’ll have to spend time with her and be cordial.
I'm able to take the high ground and not say anything negative to her if we’re all together.
Currently, she's not speaking to me and she's made some pretty snarky comments on social media, which I believe are directed at me.
Should I end this friendship, regardless of whether she gets back together with our friend?
Disgusted with Drama
Her almost-ex fiancé has enough going on without friends adding other drama.
That’s what your cutting her off – sure to also be reported on social media – would do to your closer friend’s campaign to get her back.
Also, drop your assumption that she cheated with more than one co-worker. It’s not helping your attitude or decision on the friendship, and it’s not at issue.
Do take the high ground, stand back, and let these two work on, or conclude, their own relationship.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who recently purchased a small cottage with her husband (March 25):
Reader – “She wasn't clear which relatives/friends were talking about coming to visit when the family was there, and which of them wanted the place to themselves.
“But it’s clear that the writer and her husband bought the cottage, and are going to be on the hook for upkeep and supplies.
“They should act as though they assumed that OF COURSE anyone looking to use the cottage was expecting to pay rent (this is common practice).
“And that anyone hoping to visit the family would wait for an invitation at the family's convenience and wish.
“Any "guests" who find this assumption a surprise could certainly be weeded out of the invitation list at the owners' discretion.
“Any who agree with the assumption would no doubt be welcome, once the family’s ready to share their space, but only on their stated terms.”
Tip of the day:
A partner’s relatively sudden and unexpected weight loss calls for a health check, soon.