My wife and I share mostly everything – the key word being “mostly.” There are certain things I just don’t want to share, such as, our bras (impossible as we are very different sizes), our underwear (because no), and our toothbrushes (because that’s completely unhygienic). The bras aren’t an issue because she couldn’t fit into mine and vice versa. Fortunately, she doesn’t like my underwear style, so I rarely worry about her snagging a pair.

But she doesn’t seem to care about the toothbrush thing, which is to me, the vilest of all. Yes, I love my wife and yes, we kiss. That still doesn’t mean I want to share my toothbrush with her! I’m becoming very disgusted, and she just laughs it off. What do I do?

Sharing

The bras don’t count. That’s like sharing shoes when you’re a size six and your friend is an eight. Doesn’t happen. And sharing CLEAN underwear doesn’t bother me, though I know it’s gross to others. If it’s just come out of the wash, it’s clean.

But I agree that sharing a toothbrush is NOT the same as deep tongue kissing someone. Kissing is a swapping of saliva, an exploration of tongues, a way of showing affection. Teeth brushing is cleaning the teeth of old masticated food and bacteria. That then sits on your toothbrush – even if you’ve rinsed it. For someone else to even want to borrow your toothbrush is revolting.

Talk to your wife, calmly. Tell her that this is a no-compromise issue that is easily rectified. Buy her a box of toothbrushes and leave one at every sink. Impress upon her that even though it isn’t a big deal to her, it’s a deal-BREAKER for you. If she still borrows it and laughs, she’s not your person.

I’m a single woman, of senior years, retired and lonely. I never found the right person to spend my life with and never had the passion to have a child on my own. As all my friends were settling down and starting families, I believed my time would come. But I only ever found two men with whom I had decently long relationships. One unfortunately passed away young and quickly from an aggressive cancer. The other just wasn’t meant to be.

My parents are long gone, and I was an only child. My aunt with whom I was very close recently passed and I was never close with my cousins. I’m starting to feel very alone in this world and it’s frightening for me.

What if I need help as I age? Who will take care of me? What if I fall while in my backyard? Who will find me? Who will even know to come looking?

Frightened

I’m sorry for all the losses in your life and the way you are feeling right now. You didn’t mention those same friends who settled down long ago…. have you lost touch? Is it possible to reconnect? What about your neighbours or your coworkers?

You’re right that it’s important to know that you can call on someone, if and when you ever need help. My advice would be to reach out to old friends first. Chat with people over the phone for that human connection. When the weather allows, meet for a walk or a coffee.

You can also meet your neighbours, by offering to shovel, or asking them to help you shovel. Get to know each other and help each other out – on garbage days, or when deliveries are expected.

Once you’ve built up a small circle, make a schedule so that you know someone knows where you are, or where you should be, at all times. That way, your absence will be noted.

FEEDBACK Regarding the doppelganger (Dec. 11):

Reader – “There is an old saying that men have two heads.  Which one is speaking here?

“I would approach her using his BIG head and comment that she looks like his wife. May be that his staring is creeping her out and she is trying to figure out why.

“Men who let their SMALL heads do the thinking are the ones who get into trouble.

“I worked with many attractive and some flirtatious women.  But I always approached using my BIG head.  At Christmas parties and company gatherings I always introduced my wife.  Showed ALL the women that I can be friendly but am NOT on the market.”

FEEDBACK Regarding vanishing neighbours (Dec. 12):

Reader – “The neighbours who disappeared without a word could have won a lottery or needed to go ‘back home.’ There are so many variables because people sell privately, quietly.”