My boyfriend is still acting as though it’s the holidays. It’s not normal behaviour and I’m concerned. I’m also getting really annoyed with him and am on the verge of dumping him. Even though he’s back at school, he starts his morning off with a Mimosa, although he uses sparkling wine and not champagne. He says it’s healthy because it’s orange juice!
He’s still partying every night, getting drunk enough to slur his words, or fall down, or take videos that no one should ever see. He goes to class hungover and then sleeps the afternoon away or lies around watching football and drinking beer.
His roommates are getting fed up and expect me to do something about it. But what can I do?
Party’s Over
Your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend needs a wake-up call. It’s NOT your responsibility, however, as his still-girlfriend, you should care enough to want to help him. So, it depends how far you’ve already stepped out the door.
The kindest thing would be to have a good chat with him, helping him see himself the way everyone else does. And giving him the chance to make some change before walking away. But if you’re past that point, then you need to tell him that his behaviour has pushed you away and that it’s going to push others away if he doesn’t make change.
And then, again depending on your relationship, as in, how long have you been together, you may want to reach out to his parents and let them in on what’s going on in the hopes that they can help him.
FEEDBACK Regarding the stepchild (Oct. 14):
Reader – “I feel for this family. Our son is 45 and living with us. I knew very early on that he had issues: delayed speech and motor development, to name a few. He went through hospital programmes for psychological, speech, and occupational therapy. He has ADHD, took SLD (specific learning disability) classes at school, attended private schools, had tutoring and many psychological assessments over the years.
“I heard about Asperger’s Syndrome and saw my son in almost every symptom listed. We had him tested again before leaving high school, specifically for Asperger's. They concluded that his history and social interaction was not suggestive.
“Fast forward 28 years, two different college programmes, a couple of commercial training programmes, a very sketchy employment history, four attempts at living independently and being evicted each time, he’s now living with us and we’re desperate to find him appropriate accommodations for his future. He was tested again a couple of years ago by a neuropsychologist and diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder or neurodiverse as Asperger’s is now called. Testing has changed significantly and the process of finding future accommodations is a lengthy and long winding road. If we had known then what we know now, and had the proper diagnosis, we would’ve started the planning process then instead of now, as overwhelmed seniors terrified for our son’s future.
“I hope this stepdad can get through to his wife that they need to start the process now.”
I’ve already reneged on several of my New Years’ resolutions. Am I destined for failure?
Pathetic
No! You are not destined for failure, and you are not pathetic. According to CBS, only 25 per cent of people keep their resolutions past the first month. The difficulty is in creating new habits. Also, people tend to make too many resolutions, which isn’t sustainable.
Start small, as though you’re in training. For example, if your resolution is to be able to run a marathon next Christmas, start by buying new shoes and running for 10 minutes. Slowly amp up and you’ll get there.
FEEDBACK Regarding the worried mom (Nov. 6):
Reader – “Have some of these girls started to experiment with drugs, alcohol or tobacco, and her daughter wants no part of this? That’s what happened to me. Many ‘friends’ were starting to get into cigarettes and alcohol. I wanted no part of that. So, losing friends may not actually be such a bad thing.
“Expect the same to happen when she hits post-secondary. Even though I had few high school friends in my class, I was discovering new connections. But it may simply be that maturity is happening, and her daughter is starting to make value decisions. Grades would be a key indicator if anything concerning is occurring.
“There is also the possibly of concern over her physical image. Is her daughter developing faster, slower, more, or less than these other girls? What about her weight? Again, distancing may be good thing.”