My boyfriend does most of the cooking in our home, which I appreciate as I am always ravenous when I get home from work, and I get home late. My problem is that he is very heavy-handed with his garlic and his spice, normal for his culture. I am of a different culture and have a bit of a weaker stomach. Too much garlic is hard on my stomach; if he’s a five-star spice guy, I’m a three-star.

I’ve mentioned this to him on numerous occasions, but it doesn’t seem to register. How can I get through to him that I love him, love his cooking but to just ease up on the spice?

Not A Spice Girl

Sometimes, when people are in the middle of doing something they enjoy, they get carried away or lost in their own heads. I don’t think your boyfriend is ignoring your requests to purposefully annoy you. I think when he’s mid-cooking, he simply forgets and gets on with it.

Try something different. Find a night that you can get home early enough to cook together with him. Choose a recipe that can go both ways, meaning spicy or not. Follow all the steps until the spice factor, then split the recipe into two pots or pans. Make half with the spice and half with less spice. Showing him that it’s not hard to compromise may be just what he needs to have it stick.

Wait until you have a family with picky eaters. I know one mom who cooks a gourmet meal for her husband and teenage son, a fish variation for herself and her daughter, and plain pasta or cheese pizza for her youngest child. She’s figured out how to do it efficiently, and in so doing, everyone gets fed healthily.

My girlfriend is an extremely competitive pickleball player. She’s so into the game that she doesn’t care who her opponent is, she’s out to win. She belongs to a club and plays several times a week.

A few weekends ago, I asked her if she thought it would be fun to play with my sister and her boyfriend, mixed doubles. She was amenable to the idea, even when I told her that the boyfriend is good, but my sister was more of a beginner than I am.

We got there, had some niceties (everyone gets along great), and started to play. After the first two games, it was clear that my girlfriend was out for blood. I tried to talk her off the ledge, to calm her down, but she kept saying she was going easy on them. Finally, my sister and I stepped off the court and let the two of them battle it out. In the end, my sister’s boyfriend won and my girlfriend stormed off the court.

I’m almost reconsidering this relationship based on this behaviour. Am I being too sensitive?

Pickled

I don’t think you’re being too sensitive. Your girlfriend’s competitive nature isn’t a bad thing; it may just not be compatible with the kind of person with whom you’d like to share your life. And that’s OK.

But before you break up with her, have a deep heart-to-heart. Ask her about her competitive nature, where it stems from, and if it permeates all areas of her life, or just on the court. Ask her if she thinks it’s understandable for you to be questioning your relationship based on the way she handled the (not-so) friendly game you played.

Then tell her how you’re feeling. She may be feeling the exact same, but opposite, as in, she’d rather spend her life with someone more competitive in nature than you. It’s worth the talk.

FEEDBACK Regarding next level delinquent (June 27):

Reader – “The first thing I thought was that the robbers knew the family somehow. Your average adult robber isn’t going to take the time to do what they did; they usually just want to grab and run. While I agree the behaviour could have come from an irrational adult(s), I'm wondering if it was an immature teenager(s) with very little thought put towards deliberately leaving their mark at the scene (duh).

“The column didn't mention the kids’ ages, but maybe they should question them about their friends (or former friends). If the kids are too young to have teenage friends, then the parents may want to ask themselves if they may have inadvertently given someone reason to want revenge.

“For someone to take the time to do that, I suspect they knew the family was on vacation because someone with the rational ability to case the house first, wouldn't be stupid enough to leave their bodily fluids all over it.”