My girlfriend’s mother shows no gratitude for all the cooking and cleaning by her daughter, who’s 19. Yet my girlfriend is required to pay for rent (half her monthly gross), and often groceries as well, on top of college tuition!

Her mother was terminated from employment as a principal over a year ago, but her father still enjoys a generous unionized salary.

I’ve talked to my girlfriend about how my loathing for her mother's laziness makes me avoid that house, but her mom has convinced her she’ll be a failure if she lives on her own.

Ellie, how can I pull my girlfriend out of the destructive cycle imposed on her?

Am I too critical of her mother for stuffing her face with ice cream instead of being a responsible parent?

- Disgusted

Yes, you’re too critical, and it’s not helping your girlfriend.

Though you mean to be protective, you’re adding pressure to her life, which is already full of responsibilities and demands. It’s up to her when to decide if her mother expects more than she can handle, and also up to her to know when she’s ready to leave the nest.

Doing housework and paying rent does not mean she’s being abused, especially if she still feels secure and safe living with her parents.

Also, her mother may be suffering some depression from losing her job, and may truly need the help.

Be supportive to your girlfriend by visiting her there, being friendlier with her family, even helping her with some chores.

Otherwise, you’ll risk becoming part of the burden you think she bears.

Do you have to call your future in-laws mom and dad, just because they want it?

- Still Daddy’s Girl

No, but you have to explain why not e.g. fear of hurting your own parents.

It may smooth any disappointment they feel if you can offer up some other “special names;” work on choosing some options with your fiancé, so he can support you on this.

I left him two years ago after a three-year relationship because he said I got fat (4 or 5 kilos) and he’s not seeing me as pretty as I was. I’m 28, he’s 34; we got together as friends again one year ago.

He started a new love affair, but says he likes to talk to me and can’t get away from me because I’m a good person, but he says I’m not sexy or pretty.

I AM pretty, have a good job and a high education.

Now he wants me to see his girlfriend but the feeling of jealousy is killing me, so I can’t. I feel like I’m dead without him, and feel so sad when he talks about his girl, even how they make love.

When he says, “I know you still love me,” it’s true.

I want to get over him, so what can I do?

- Lost

He’s not your “friend,” since he’s not treating you as one. A true friend doesn’t insult your looks, purposefully make you jealous, and taunt you about your feelings.

The guy’s a jerk, keeping you on a string he can pull to boost his ego.

Do NOT continue meeting him or talking to him. Get wise, avoid him, and keep yourself busy with real friends.

You know your own pretty image and accomplishments, so make sure you hang out with people who also appreciate them.

Then, you’ll soon realize you only feel “dead” because of this guy’s many putdowns.

I'm getting married soon, and recently, my brother asked if his girlfriend (serious) could sit next to him at the head table. He insisted it was very important to him.

She’s not part of the wedding party, we’re not close, and our relationship, while cordial, has always been very awkward.

I’ve heard it’s untraditional to seat an unmarried sibling's partner at the head table because it's where the people who give speeches sit.

So I’ve decided to refuse. Yet I fear my brother and his girlfriend will resent me for it.

- Stressed in Montreal

Yes, they will.

The “not traditional” excuse won’t fly since everyone knows that today’s brides and grooms do many things their own way.

Be honest – you don’t feel like accommodating your brother, and you’re going to have to tell him so.

At least try to place his girlfriend at a table with fun guests.