As a child, I was abused physically and emotionally by my father; as a result, I have very low self-esteem which holds me back in life. 

My father is not a bad man, just a very bad parent. I feel like I’ll never be able to forgive him as long as my self-esteem issues are a problem.

What’s my best course of action?

I want to confront him and tell him how much his actions have negatively affected my life, but these things happened when I was a child (20 years ago).

Should I just go talk to a therapist? I work at a low-paying job and cannot afford to pay for the sessions on my own.

I want to have a relationship with my father but I can’t as long as I still carry these feelings towards him.

- Troubled Son

Confronting your parent at this time will NOT increase your self-esteem; instead, it will leave you feeling frustrated and angry, since your father is unlikely to believe or acknowledge that he’s responsible for everything in your adult life. 

Though he was wrong to have abused you as a child – and this is a conversation you may have with him in the future - your current needs for greater confidence must come from within yourself.

You DO need the guidance of a professional therapist: you can seek one with a fee geared-to-income, through local community service agencies. Churches and other faith organizations also offer pastoral counselling free or at subsidized rates.

Once you’ve worked on building some pride in yourself and a positive outlook on what you can achieve, you’ll be able to deal with him as your adult self, not as the hurt child from the past.

Then, you’ll be the one to define the level of relationship you want to maintain with him.

What should I do when people ask when my spouse and I are planning to have children? We’re just at the point of thinking about “not actively preventing the possibility.” 

I’m sure that when/if it happens we’ll be thrilled, and tell everyone after we hit that magical “three-months along” mark. But it seems everyone’s first question out of their mouths is “are you trying yet?”

Also, I’ve known several close family and friends who’ve tried unsuccessfully to have children and have seen how much it hurts them when people assume they’re just putting it off.

The only response I’ve come up with so far is to laugh and say, “I already have a fluffy, four-legged baby that barks and that’s quite enough for now,”… when I really want to say “it's none of your business!”

- Uncomfortable

Your “puppy” response is a great one, since it changes the topic and achieves the desired result of not having to answer directly and include others in your personal, private hopes and plans regarding having children. 

However, since you’re smart and cool enough to have come up with the perfect diversionary answer, yourself, I’m sensing you have some pretty common jitters over the whole matter of trying to conceive, plus all that follows once you do.

Instead of focusing on others’ questions about you, seek some more answers from your doctor. Both you and your husband should now be getting informed - without pressure of deadlines or urgency - about your mutual health status, good nutrition and fitness, plus other optimum conditions to aid in conception, pregnancy, and childbirth.

I’ve discovered that my new husband (we’re only married a short time) has just signed up with a singles’ phone line. He’ll spend an extended amount of time on his phone and I believe it has to do with this singles’ network. I wonder if this an indication that our relationship is going the wrong way.  

Should I be concerned?

Is he bored with me, will he go on a date and then leave me?

- Worried

He’s behaving in an immature and offensive way for a new groom. You need to talk to him directly, instead of blaming yourself as “boring.” 

The realities and responsibilities of marriage may’ve overwhelmed him; if so, you two need to discuss how to adjust and grow together.

But pretending he’s a “single” will only cause resentment and distance between you. He must cut off the phone line, or you’ll both hang up on this union.