I’ve been married for three years and my wife has been hiding some things from me. She says it’s to save an argument, but if she’d tell me the truth, it wouldn’t be such a big issue. 

When she goes out on errands, she calls a guy friend to meet up and join her. She won’t invite me to go with her!

It seems to me that our relationship is based on some lies. I’m honest with her and I love her so much, that it kills me that she thinks it’s better to lie than tell me the truth. I sometimes wonder about her true feelings for me.

Our two young children are aware of our arguments. My oldest tells me the truth so I go through her to find out the truth. I know that’s wrong because it puts her in the middle of our arguments, but it’s the only way I can find out.

I want my relationship to work!!

- Confused

Get a grip on yourself as a partner and as a father. 

Currently, you’re handling your relationship problems in a way that can only make things worse. First and most important, STOP involving your child, it’s emotionally harmful to her to be given any responsibility for solving these arguments, or for choosing where her loyalties lie between her Mom and you.

Secondly, behave with your wife as an equal in the union, not as someone she can jerk around. You two need to have that talk she’s trying to “save” you from – but not in front of your kids.

Call a halt to all the confusion, doubts and distance between you by insisting that you both go to marriage counselling together. Tell her that if you don’t both agree to try to improve your relationship, her lack of openness and respect for you will help destroy this marriage.

I’m in a blossoming relationship with a man who says he loves me. I love him too. We’re the same age; however, he’s much more accomplished, cultured, and successful than I am. 

I don’t really understand what he finds attractive about me; I feel like I’m not good enough for him, and one day he’ll wake up and wonder what he’s doing with me.

Moreover, I’m afraid of never being able to impress him the way he constantly impresses him, and I’m afraid that when I meet his close friends and family (they live very faraway) I’ll fail to make an impression.

- Am I being crazy?

You’re not crazy, but unfortunately so insecure that you’re already building a case against yourself. In fact you’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy… if you keep acting inferior to him, questioning his motives, and doubting yourself, he WILL eventually tire of trying to prop you up and convince you of his love. 

Drop this poor-little-me approach fast. You’ve found a great guy; now accept that he wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t feel that he, too, found the right woman for him.

My brother’s wife is cold to me, though we were once friends. 

Her young son is difficult and slow and I know this consumes her, but I’ve never been anything but sympathetic.

- Hurt

Her behaviour has to do with her sadness and worries about her son, less than with you. Act naturally and warmly with her son, and she’ll appreciate your acceptance of him. Be helpful when possible, and forgiving - you’re lucky not to have her burden.

I’ve been with my fiance five years and recently discovered he still speaks to his ex-fiance (of eight years) a couple of times a year. 

There are no children or other reasons to stay in touch. I feel it means either one or both of them can’t let go of the relationship or need to “show” the other how great their lives are now.

It bothers me, especially since he’s never mentioned it.

- Your take?

I’d be more bothered that this guy likes such long engagements without marrying, and that’s the topic I suggest you pursue if you’re unsure of his full commitment. 

However, I don’t find it odd or worrisome that he has this very minimal contact with someone he knew for so long, and I’d bet even this will eventually wind down.

It may well be he didn’t mention it because it isn’t that important to him.