I had a one-night stand two days ago with a smart, fun, and handsome man. I met him at a bar and had no intentions for such a wild night.

Sadly, we live across the country from each other. We have mutual acquaintances and he often comes to my city to visit.

The worst thing, he didn’t ask for my number and I didn’t have the confidence to just ask him.

I’m wondering if I should pursue him through a social network. My concern is that I’ll look desperate.

I feel like there’s no harm in showing this guy that I have some interest in keeping contact.

I have no intentions to be forward, but I wouldn’t mind seeing him again if he’s in town. Should I let this one go? Or should I put myself out there?

One-Night Stand

You already put yourself out there. And you’re left having huge insecurity, from a one-night stand with an almost stranger who didn’t ask for your number.

Yet you do have mutual acquaintances who could be your best help, at just one attempt to reach him.

If there’s someone to whom you could casually mention having met him, and would love to be in touch, provide your phone and social media contacts.

If you hear nothing, do not pursue.

The same applies if you’ve now already tried, and he doesn’t respond.

Any further pursuit will affect your self-esteem, which is shaky from this. Consider it, lesson learned.

Why would someone who’s been married for over 34 years need to have email accounts he keeps secret? And why would he email pictures of himself naked to these addresses?

Also, is it weird that we haven't had intercourse in years? He says he prefers oral sex.
We’re empty-nesters and I believe we have a loving, caring relationship with open communication.

He subscribes to a lot of sex sites, of which I’m aware. He’s telling me that he’d love to do a threesome. I, on the other hand, enjoy that thought in fantasy only, as I believe the real thing could become a problem. There’d be no going back.

He’s a loving, caring husband and father, a successful individual, a recovering alcoholic over a long time. He has an addictive personality.

Sex soon became his new addiction. He started telling me that we need to spice up our sex life before we’re too old. We’re attractive, fit 50’s.

I approached him once two years ago about his email accounts. He travels a lot with his job and now I’m not as trusting,

One email was an exchange with his best friend about an ex-girlfriend (high-school) as his soul mate. They had been emailing and she sent him a picture. But why hide it if you’re doing nothing wrong? I was hurt, and yes, I’d snooped.

Is it better to wear trusting blinders, or confront these issues over which he’ll make me the villain?

Lost Trust

You have a good understanding of his addictive nature and so have been more indulgent of his changed behavior sexually, and online, than many other spouses might’ve been.

But the relationship’s changing, too. He’s become secretive, less trustworthy. He’s altered your sex life arbitrarily, and seeking threesomes you don’t want.

Time to be open and direct. You love him, but can’t accept being the “victim” of his seeming sexual addiction.

Insist on counselling together, to get back on track as a team. He also needs to consider individual therapy, related to addictions, sexual and any other.

I suffer from a disease that requires complicated major surgery. I’m on a two-year waiting list (for surgery out-of-province.)

My local surgeon must apply to the government, to get me reimbursed for medical bills. He’s terribly lax at paper work.

Due to many symptoms (particularly sweating and shaking), my family doctor checked me thoroughly, and said I’m depressed from stress and frustration.

I have an excellent job, earn well, and have a wonderful family and excellent friends.

Does this sound like depression? My GP suggested seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist.

Need Diagnosis

Your serious health factors are compounding natural frustration and anxiety about future surgery.

It’s understandable that you’re agitated on several fronts, so talking to a professional therapist may help and surely can’t hurt.

Perhaps you’d relieve stress and accelerate the process by asking the paperwork-swamped surgeon if you can write the details for the request, as a basis for him to use.