My wife’s gained a lot of weight since having our two kids. I love her but she’s just not attractive to me any more, sexually, though she’s a great Mom, and looks after me. I can’t tell her this, so I just avoid sex as much as possible and have to relieve myself on my own. I don’t think this is good for our marriage for very long.

Correct, it’s not good for your marriage, but it’s also not good for her health to carry too much weight and it’s not good for anyone, including your kids, that you’ve pulled away based on body image alone.

(Consider whether your ideal for “sexy” is realistic or media-driven. It doesn’t mean this is your fault entirely, but you may be contributing to her low self-image).

An excessive weight gain often accompanies lowered self-confidence, maybe even a depression you’ve not recognized. Having two kids is a major lifestyle adjustment and there’s more involved in helping a partner through these changes than whether you’re still turned on.

She needs your encouragement – and you need her to raise your kids together, if you want the marriage to last. So instead of talking about weight, talk about her well-being.

She should get a medical check up and start some activity, even a daily walk (accompanying her will be a great show of support…. the kids can come too).

Start getting some healthier foods into the house even if you’re the one who initiates this.

With better fitness, and diet comes better self-image. The sex will follow.

My daughter, 21, has been “hired” for an internship and I’m appalled at how she’s being treated. There’s no contract, just the promise of a report to her university course, for which an internship is a condition of graduation.

She’s basically a “go-fer” who’s asked to run all over the place, delivering things, picking up products, moving boxes. She’s sometimes required to carry huge items that weigh a lot, even though she’s a petite person.

Her “boss” runs a start-up business and is only five years older, but acts very authoritative and demanding. My daughter’s the only employee so she’s doing the twittering on this woman’s behalf, keeping the computer records of everything that goes on in the business, and also all the grunt work.

She’s had to bring a lot of the computer work home and do it at night, since her boss pushes her out the door on errands all day.

She says quitting would be very negative for her school record, and won’t even speak up to this woman about being overworked, exhausted, used and I think, abused.

What should I do?

Tell her that while employment almost always involves some mundane and difficult tasks, it cannot contravene labour laws of the land.

Part of her education should include her doing research on those laws and finding out if anything’s she’s being told to do crosses the line. She should also get back to her professor and ask about the requirements and limits of a successful internship.

She needs to learn how to respond to unreasonable requests that risk her safety. For example, she must speak up when something’s dangerously heavy for her to lift, and suggest that she gets someone or something to assist her. If she can find that aid on her own and explain why she needs it, she’s showing the kind of independent problem solving her boss and professor should appreciate.

FEEDBACK Regarding the worried parents wanting to will everything to one daughter, who’d manage money for her sickly and reckless sister (May 18):

Reader #1 – “I’ve known the courts to set aside a will like this and award half the estate to an addicted son. The parents should see a lawyer. Placing funds in trust for the sister may be a better way.”

Reader #2 – “I work in a financial institution and we see this all the time. One method they could use to ensure the sister has a lifetime income stream would be to leave a provision in their will to set up a small annuity once the parents pass on.

“The estate would be the owner and annuities cannot be altered once set. The sister would get a fixed income that she isn't able to burn through. They can check with a financial advisor for more information.”