I’m obsessed with dogs! I love them so much, I literally ask to say hi to every dog I pass on the street. Most owners say yes, some say no and keep walking, others say no with an explanation. None of it bothers me because I just love the dogs and don’t care about the people. But it drives my boyfriend crazy!

He hates it when we’re out together and I stop all the time. Or if we’re on our way to get a coffee, lunch or even to pick up groceries. He says I turn every errand/walk into a meet and greet with the neighbourhood dogs.

Is he being mean for a reason? I’m thinking of leaving him.

Dog Obsessed

Yes, he’s annoyed with good reason. You’re going to lose your boyfriend over your obsession. Loving dogs is fine. I love dogs! But being obsessed with dogs is not fine. ANY obsession is not fine by virtue of the fact that it’s an obsession.

The definition of obsession is “an idea or thought that continuously and consistently preoccupies and/or intrudes on a person’s mind to the point of detriment.” It’s detrimental because it interferes with (your) daily life.

If you can’t do simple basic things, such as going for a walk with your boyfriend to pick up lunch, without stopping at every dog along your path, that’s detrimental. Here’s my advice: make a deal with your boyfriend that if you are walking with purpose, as in, to run an errand, you are allowed to stop ONE dog on route. And if you are out walking for the sake of the stroll, you are allowed to stop FIVE dogs on route – or whatever numbers work for you, as long as there is a limit to your oohing and aaahing.

Sometimes I just feel like a cog in a wheel, a number on a list, a person who could disappear and no one would notice. I feel they would call my number, like at the grocery store when lining up at the deli, and when I didn’t respond, after a while, they would simply move on to the next number, not caring for a second what happened to me. I don’t feel this way often, but sometimes, and I wonder how many other people feel this way?

More importantly, is it normal and what should I do about it?

Greyed out

You are not alone. This is a very powerful, real human experience. I think it’s very normal to sometimes feel as though we’re a number, not special, not unique, one of many. I think that’s part of life for many people. Especially with the onslaught of all the technology that we use. It can be dehumanizing.

I strongly suggest you find added human connection, especially on the days when you’re feeling this way. Something as simple as making eye contact with the coffee barista, the bus driver, the person standing beside you in the subway. It’s OK to feel what you’re feeling. It’s not OK if the feeling you describe persists because that can then lead to depression.

You signed off as “Greyed Out” and I can see how life becomes drab, dreary and grey in the cold winter months, when we keep our heads down, huddle in on the subway, go to work and back again. Which is why we Torontonians crave the spring with its sunshine and warmth, and the colour of the grass and flowers. Not that spring is the antidote, but it does help many, perhaps simply because we are outside, eyes up, seeing and being seen.

If you still feel unseen, I urge you to get professional help.

FEEDBACK Regarding the linguistics of they/them (March 12):
Reader – “I can certainly understand why someone wanting to be called ‘they’ would take offense at being called ‘it.’ As you rightly pointed out, ‘it’ usually refers to an inanimate object.

“However, ‘they’ usually refers to more than one person or thing. While I think people should respect other’s wishes, the use of ‘they’ for the singular may cause confusion and frustration.

“From personal experience: an extended family member’s adult daughter has requested ‘she’ now be referred to as ‘they,’ which the elderly father finds difficult but tries to comply. To complicate matters, this person is living with a non-binary person. The father will invite both to dinner and ‘she’ replies ‘they’ will come. If he asks does ‘they’ mean both or just his child, she gets angry because ‘they’ think it’s a dis. He’s learned to not ask but never knows if he should cook for two or for one.”

Lisi – Why doesn’t he just ask, “Are you both coming, or just you?”