My husband is obsessed with cars. He talks about cars all the time; watches car stuff on TV and the internet; even goes on trips to see special cars at special events. Usually the locations are fun, so the rest of the family can enjoy the vacation time.
But lately, his obsession seems to be getting worse. His secretary has called me twice this month asking if I know where my husband is as he’s not answering her calls and is missing meetings. I think he’s at work, so I get worried. And then I find him at a car dealer, or a private home of another car fanatic.
My husband recently inherited some money from an aunt who passed away, enough for him to purchase a car or two. But we could also use that money for more family-oriented benefits, such as a renovation or vacation.
Cars are taking over my husband’s life and getting in the way of our relationship, not to mention our family life. What do I do?
This is definitely the first time I have ever received a question like this. Having a hobby or strong interest is healthy; it gives you a focus in life outside of your relationships, your family, your work. But if and when those interests turn into an obsession, the positive has now turned negative.
An obsession, by definition, is something that preoccupies you and intrudes on your daily thoughts. In other words, it puts you in a negative state. Your husband may not realize he has the crossed the line and that his interest is now negatively affecting you.
You need to talk to your husband. He may see your point of view and be able to dial it back. Or not. If the latter, he’ll need to speak to someone professionally.
I recently moved in with my boyfriend, in a city about three hours away from my parents. I’ve been back twice in the past three months. Once to pick up stuff I forgot, and once because I missed my family. But after two days, I could tell my mom was ready for me to leave.
Now I’m worried: what if living with my boyfriend doesn’t work out? Will my mom let me move back home? Or is she so happy I’ve left, that I can never come back?
Your sign off, and your concerns, give me reason to believe that you are feeling very anxious. About what exactly, I’m not sure. There isn’t enough information here. My guess is that you aren’t quite ready to have moved out, and you’re worried that living with your boyfriend isn’t what you hoped it would be.
It may not have been the best choice. But if you’ve only been living together three months, you haven’t given it enough time. Remember that dating someone when you both live at home with your parents, is very different than living with that same someone. It’s not even the same as going on vacation for a week or two. Living with someone is a commitment.
That doesn’t mean you have to accept all of their quirks. If something really bothers you, you can discuss it and try to compromise. But some things will never change. You have to be able to accept and make it work. Or not.
Back to your questions…. I don’t think you have to worry. You didn’t mention your age, so I’m going to assume you’re in your early 20s. I’m sure that if things don’t work out with your boyfriend, and you need to move back home, your mom will be thrilled to have you…. Until you find a place of your own.
FEEDBACK Regarding the mom hurt that her daughter forgot it was Mother’s Day (May 30):
Reader – “I have three children from whom there are mixed observances of Mother’s Day. My oldest often makes me breakfast; and my son will call or plan an activity.
“My youngest is not so involved. One year all that appeared via Facebook Messenger was “yo, happy mother’s day” (yup, not even caps!). This has become a running gag in the family.
“This year I was away on the date; my oldest texted me the joke “yo . . .”; my son piloted a plane and flew me home from where I was; and my youngest? She texted me a picture of her favourite K-pop band reminding her that it was Mother’s Day.
“Kids - gotta love ‘em!”
Lisi – I love that you have a sense of humour, and that you appreciate each of your children’s unique personalities.