I’ve had a crush on the same guy for a year and a half now.

Six months into it I realized that he was dating someone, which devastated me. He moved in with his girlfriend earlier this year.

Because we are co-workers, I still have to see him regularly.

He has never been aware of my feelings and sees me as just another co-worker. The fact that he’s funny, charming and super nice doesn't help.

I'm 29, have never really dated, let alone been involved in any relationship. So I'm thinking this is contributing to my lack of emotional immaturity.

How do I get over these intense feelings for him? I've tried everything from a few internet dates (horrible), to running, to distract myself. Nothing works.

Switching jobs is not an option.

- Shattered in Singapore

This is getting beyond a “crush” to an unhealthy obsession - you’re hiding behind your fantasies about feelings for this guy rather than risk real emotional connections.

I say “fantasies” because everything relating you to your co-worker is in your head. He may be sociable and attractive on the job, but you know nothing about him in his personal life, nor should you, since he’s unconnected to you.

You need to do more than “distract” yourself, and actively work at meeting and getting involved with new people - women and men alike, all ages – whether in interest activities, sports, social events, volunteering or courses.

While developing your friendship network, be open to dating and being set up with contacts of people you trust rather than relying on meeting strangers through the internet.

You need to put both feet out into the real world rather than live through romantic imaginings in your mind.

I’m a 36-year-old man and I’m trying to find a woman who’ll support me while I stay at home to raise our (future) children.

The women I meet all want me to support them while they stay home with the children or hire a nanny while we both work.

I should add that I date mostly career women. They are insistent, for example, on keeping their own name after marriage, something I support. I have even said that the children should have both our last names.

- Been Reading You

Your much-longer letter (no room to publish all of it) suggests a cynical attitude about women – but good humour, too, in your attempt to turn the situation around.

Even if you meant this question seriously, I’d have the same answer: People who date with a specific, self-interested goal in mind – such as finding someone to support them - MAY succeed initially but usually end up with something other than what they bargained for. Either the other “partner” is equally as selfish, or eventually recognizes he/she is being used… leading to a cold, unhappy relationship or a nasty divorce.

My father is a “player” who has always used his charm to win over women, including my mother when she was young. But he can’t stay in a relationship with one woman for very long, and only hung around Mom till she had me.

Because I wanted his love and never got it, am I doomed to be drawn to this kind of man?

- Worried Daughter

No. You’re smart and aware and, most important, you have free will.

You’re NOT doomed or pre-destined to find men like Dad appealing, unless you fool yourself into thinking you can change a guy like him.

I'm a single mother who’d like to meet other single parents, but, although I’m a working professional (chemist), I find that the parents I meet at my child's school functions tend to treat me with biases. I’m only in my late 20s, and my son is age seven.

Can you suggest some options for me to meet other like-minded single parents?

- Trying to Connect

There are so many single parents out there, and so many organizations for them through community centres, local “Y’s” and church/faith groups, that it seems to me you’re blocked more by attitude.

Do people really have biases, or are you unusually self-conscious about having had your son when young (which is not that uncommon)?

I suggest you look into the established single parents’ groups around, and also explore your own professional association, the local gym etc. for other single parents. It’s not a small, or hidden group.