My boyfriend and I recently broke up. He was just too emotionally needy for me. We were together for two years, and I just felt that he was deeper into the relationship than I was. I liked him a lot, maybe even loved him, but I wasn’t ready to be attached to someone that intensely.

Any time there were ANY issues in our relationship, I knew EXACTLY how to respond to make HIM feel better. He didn’t have a clue how to make me feel better and he didn’t seem to care or put any effort in to find out. The relationship was about his happiness, his emotional needs, his well-being.

But I’m lonely and wonder if I did the right thing. I want a close relationship, but not that close!

Attached

I can’t tell you whether you made the right choice. But I can show you how to figure that out for yourself. Being in a relationship should be fun and make you feel good. And I get that being alone is less fun, and for some, comes with the anxiety of wondering if you’ll ever meet someone else. Totally get it!

But being in a relationship that’s only all about the other person isn’t healthy. Or fun. So, make a list (I love a good list!) of all the things you liked about this person, and all the positive aspects of your relationship. Then make a list of all the things you want in a life partner, or just a for-now partner, and what a healthy relationship looks like to you. Now compare and contrast. Your answer will be as clear as the page you’re looking at.

During COVID, I became pregnant with my third child and was on maternity leave. She is now five years old, and I have been able to maintain my stay-at-home status, especially since my workplace was happy to have us all working from home.

My team meets once a week, either at someone’s home, or a neutral location. We take 10 minutes at the end of our weekly summit to plan the next meetup, so we are seamless at getting together. And we are made up of all genders, all ages, and many different life situations. EVERYONE is very accommodating and understanding. We take our personal lives seriously because we know that matters.

Recently we were told that our weekly meetings need to be in the office. The only problem is that our company closed its office during COVID and only recently reopened a brick and mortar, all the way down at the water. It’s a 45-minute drive for everyone on my team and will take up a large chunk of the day, which we don’t want.

How do we deal with this?

Back to the office

This issue seems to be a problem in many sectors, including government and banking. It doesn’t sound like you’re in either, so not sure how this can be enforced if your entire team is against it. I suggest that your group draft a letter, signed by all, stating your reasons why this move is undesirable and will prove inefficient. Perhaps you can agree to a monthly in-house meeting or come to some other compromise. You may want to mention how you all very much understand that everyone has a life outside of work, and that whatever’s going on at home can impact your work life. If going back to the office changes your home life and puts pressure and stress on you, you’re not going to work to your highest potential.

I agree it’s not ideal but look for the solution instead of focusing on the problem.

FEEDBACK Regarding the door-to-door canvassers (June 9):

Reader – “I’ve also felt trapped by door-to-door canvassers. I advise that I’m interested in supporting them but prefer to donate online. This gives me the opportunity to research the charity and validate their status. Then, if I choose, I can support them without pressure or guilt.”

Reader #2 – “I have a balcony just to the right of my front door. I just go out on the balcony (safe because potential miscreants cannot force their way in) and listen to their request. Most of the time, I say ‘I have eight designated charities to which I contribute on a regular basis’ (true) and ‘I don’t have any more financial room for other charities.’”

Reader #3 – “The best answer I’ve heard for door-to-door charity canvassers, is, ‘I’ve already allocated all my available dollars to my selected charities.’ Very hard for a canvasser to push back, especially when the statement is true.”