I’m a registered dental hygienist; our dental office hired a new manager one year ago. The dentist has been there with me for 10 years – he’s 50% owner and his name is on my paychecks.  

The manager shocked us all several months ago when she ordered an alcoholic drink during our lunch. Since then, the dental assistant and two receptionists have also ordered a drink or two (never more), when the manager does.

The dentist and I have never had a drink at lunch with them. I’m concerned that if any patients or our corporate bosses come to this nearby restaurant, they’ll assume all of us are drinking. I could be “guilty by association” and lose my valued job.

The dentist has allowed this drinking.

Also, I do enjoy this restaurant, and I think they’d all be shocked if I said that I couldn’t join them.

- How to Handle?

You’ve come to a crossroads of principles: either you accept the others’ drinking during their work day, or you’ll end up leaving this job. 

First, examine your professional standards – do they apply only to you, or do you feel it’s wrong for anyone dealing with patients to drink alcohol. If the latter, discuss this with the dentist, as he is responsible for the professional work and image of the office and could discourage the practice.

However, if your concern is only for your own position, then it’s well-known to those involved, and particularly the dentist, that you are NOT drinking and cannot be fired for such.

You might be more comfortable occasionally eating elsewhere (have a friend meet you, if possible), or using your lunch hour for a healthy snack and walk.

My partner of six years and I disagree on discipline. I have two kids, 13 and 10; he has twins, 13, who live with their mother. 

He’s too strict, I’m much more relaxed and not good on following up on “punishments.”

We’re both of Russian descent, and used to respect for adults.

His father physically punished him till he was 16, and then it was military academy. He has high standards for everyone. He was very hard on his daughters when they visited but now their mother is ill and the girls assumed more chores.

I’ve said, don’t be so hard on my son. But he expects the kids to clean their rooms spotlessly. My son is not so consistent.

My partner also expects them to shovel the snow, but my son doesn’t always do a “perfect” job.

Every time my partner gets angry, he wants to sell our house. Sometimes I want to stay with him; other times, I want to get my own place and go on with my life.

- Torn

There’s nothing wrong with a healthy balance between parents’ approaches to chores and discipline, but yours is an open conflict that only confuses children and teaches them to manipulate the situation. 

If you feel your partner is excessive and abusive in his demands and punishments, you must protect your children. But if you’re always indulging your son and making excuses for him, you’re adding to the problem.

Meanwhile, his threats of selling the house are unacceptable, just adding fuel to the fire. Take a hard look at what’s really happening and then talk to your partner.

Tell him you either come to some agreements on discipline – with both of you giving in somewhat from your polarized positions – or you’ll have to go your separate ways.

I’m male, 19, recently out of a six-month gay relationship and dating an older man, 38, for two months. He’s successful, mature, financially stable, enjoys a good time. I like him a lot. But my ex says there’s something wrong about this man dating someone so young. 

Some people have called me a gold digger. However, I have a well-paying job.

Some will assume that my boyfriend has some sick sexual fetish, but our sexual activities are normal.

Is it wrong to have a long-term loving relationship with someone double my age?

- Am I Naïve?

These are early dating days, so don’t jump to conclusions or defensiveness. He may eventually prove to be too old a partner, or you may feel too young for his lifestyle. 

If you’re increasingly uncomfortable about the age difference, some instincts alerting you to be wary.

Meanwhile, don’t let others’ nasty gossip be your main influence.