My boyfriend of four years and I are in our mid-40's and don't live together. Whenever I suggest going on a vacation together, he gets angry and changes the subject.

Every two years he visits his birth country and stops over in exotic places like Thailand and Malaysia for a month. I'm not invited.   

Recently, he asked me to go to Mexico with him. I accepted, now he's trying to get out of it. I'm so angry.... I should tell him to hit the road.

Left Behind

Hit the road, yourself or with a friend. This "boyfriend" isn't in full couple mode with you, likely part of the reason why he likes to travel on his own.

There may be two other factors to consider: 1) He can't afford to take you along and thinks that you expect him to pay. 2) He likes traveling alone and meeting short-term companions rather than taking one along (this is a possibility I'm raising, not a suspicion).

By travelling on your own or with a friend, you'd be showing him you don't have to depend on him. It'll help you find out whether your relationship has a future destination, or is just a holding pattern.

After 13 years of marriage and three children, my wife began a six-month affair two years ago. I was supportive during and after the affair, at considerable personal emotional expense. She still says she doesn't want to divorce, wants to strengthen our marriage, BUT won't end contact with the ex. She's never been honest about her affair, though I've begged for honesty and an end to their contact.

My trust's now shattered. I hate the deceit - it's worse than the affair itself, which she knows. There've been so many missed opportunities for an honest and fulfilling marriage these last two years.

It has me wondering if she really wants marriage and family, and also thinking it's easier for her to walk away and do nothing rather than step up and face herself, and face us.

Am I being delusional for still hanging in? Both of us would agree that we have a very harmonious marriage on issues of parenting, finance, faith, in-laws, household management and more. But I don't want to waste my time with a liar, and after two brutal years, I'm tired of the drama.

Though I have hope for a much better marriage, dancing with hope is a lonely dance.

Losing It

With their contact continuing and her refusal to come clean, it's likely the affair isn't over (not emotionally, at the least) or can resume at any time.

You haven't been delusional, you've been practical.... there are three kids to consider and a lifestyle that "works" in other ways.

But unless there's some change from her, it IS delusional to think your underlying connection will improve. Also, you haven't mentioned love or sex, which indicates you're living more as business partners than as a couple who can endure this breach for much longer.

Be practical in realistic terms: See a lawyer to discuss what's involved in a separation. I'm not suggesting you go through with one, but I think it's essential that you both know it's possible, and that you're considering it.

So far, she's had cake-and-eat-it freedom to do as she pleases, knowing you're the kind of man who'd hang in, be supportive, hope for better.

If nothing changes within a year, look closer at what's best for you and your three children.

We've been dating on and off for two years. He tells me he loves me but is not in love with me. Apparently, he's in love with his friend's wife. They've been secretly meeting for a few years and although there's been no sex (according to him), they're having an emotional affair.

She won't leave her family and they both keep trying to end it, but it continues. I don't understand why I keep going back to him. He's chosen snippets of time with her. How can I convince myself to stay away and move on?

Fed Up

Stay away, period. Otherwise, you're being as foolishly unrealistic as you believe he is. He wants the dream of a relationship, but you want a real one. It's not going to happen with him, unless he eventually settles for you as Second Choice. Do NOT wait for that - it dooms a relationship.