What does "taking a break" mean? My husband of 37 years is on a "break" from stress, including us.

We sold our house, and the break began. He said he was getting his own apartment and I had to do the same. We had three adult children with us: One moved on his own, another's in university and living with my husband, the other lived with me awhile, then moved alone.

My husband was "downsized" in the workplace three times in recent years. He never got over it. Income and job changes left us in very difficult finances.

I've had three surgeries in four years and my mother was critically injured. He felt I wasn't helping financially enough. I'm well now and getting more work, but he was overwhelmed and burned out. He wouldn't go for help or talk about all this.

He says that when a final stress of a tax issue is resolved soon, he'll be able to talk about things. He's a worrier and hates confrontation.

Whenever my mother and I have needed help during the break, he's come over. He thinks he still loves me. I know I love him. But there are things I don't want to go back to that need to be addressed. I'm sure he feels the same.

An Open Break

"Taking a break" is whatever two people make of it. Usually, the person who calls it wants little or no contact, while he/she sorts out feelings about the relationship. Your husband, however, hasn't severed his connection with you.

With repeat layoffs having shattered his self-image and turned finances into a crisis, he sought escape rather than communication and counselling.

But you can still use this time to see a professional therapist to discuss how to reassure him that you're willing and able to adapt to a new lifestyle together.

Example: It'd be cheaper to live in one apartment together, so perhaps plans need to be made towards having both your mother and your child be accommodated elsewhere, as soon as possible.

When you finally do talk about the future, you both need to be open and honest about what's needed to put your relationship on a healthy footing that's affordable, manageable, and mutually satisfying.

I'm a male who's had strong feelings for my best friend (female) for three years. We've both dated others, I'm always friendly to her boyfriend, and she often becomes good friends with my girlfriends.

However, I always have those feelings for her and had to end relationships because of this. She knows. Occasionally it seems she's interested in me too, and we often discuss what it'd be like if we get married in the future. Then, recently, she suggested that we should date each other. I was very excited.

However, several days later, she stopped talking to me because I "hadn't been paying enough attention to her," which was not so... then she finally broke the silence. Am I right to continue pursuing her or should I move on?

Confused

She's dealing in mixed message because she's uncertain what she wants. She likely fears that dating can alter your long-lasting friendship with no assurance you'll last as a couple.

Be upfront and clear: You want to date her and you're willing to take that risk. If she's not, she needs to say so, and not hide behind silence. It's still possible to return to friendship only if it's certain you can both accept that, if she insists.

I went out with a girl for six dates, we seem to have really hit it off, and my friends are starting to notice us being together.

In the hallways of our high school we flirt and make jokes a lot. However, she doesn't let me pay for her. Does this mean she doesn't feel the same way about me as I feel about her?

Unsure

Her independence is a good sign; it means she's considerate and not taking advantage of you. As students, it's unlikely you can afford to treat her all the time, nor should you.

True, she may also be cautious about behaving this soon as if you're a committed couple, and is paying her own way to maintain some separateness. This, too, is a good sign that she's not taking you for granted. There's no need to be insecure about her feelings, since she keeps accepting your dates.