I’m a PhD student, living on campus, working several jobs and trying to focus on my schooling. I have no time to breathe, let alone focus on a relationship. Somehow, I met a guy, and we started dating. It’s been a few months, and we’ve had lots of fun, but I can’t juggle him.

He doesn’t seem to understand that at the moment, he is not my top priority. He will often complain when I decline an invite to a concert, a movie, or dinner. I told him it usually isn’t about the activity or the company; I just don’t have free time.

I broke up with him and he’s seemingly devastated! But why? We weren’t together that long, it wasn’t that intense, and he can see from the day we met that I’m a very busy person with a singular focus. What do I do about this?

PhDedicated

You have already broken up with him. There’s not much more for you to do. You can be kind if he calls you or reaches out, but you don’t have to feel badly. He wanted a different kind of relationship than you are willing to give right now. That’s OK. Timing is everything.

Let him calm down and massage his ego. No one likes to be dumped. If you have free time and want to hang out with him, reach out. But be clear that you are NOT available for a relationship at this time. And make sure he can handle that.

I am so lonely, and I don’t know how to change anything in my life to change this feeling. I am single, in my mid-30s and work from home. I travel a lot for work, which is why I work from home because home can be anywhere on any given day. I probably travel five months of the year, including personal travel.

I love my job, I love what I do, and I am happy in my own company. But I’m lonely. Can you help?

Always alone

Based on your limited information, I assume that you chose this job with constant travel. Is it safe to say that perhaps you are putting up your own barriers? Travelling that much for work seems unreasonable, extreme and exhausting. Is there any chance you could lessen that?

You’re right – airports are lonely, airplanes are lonely, hotels are lonely. Living alone is lonely. Something needs to change. Do you have a sibling or other family member who may want to share accommodations with you? You’d make a great roommate since you’re barely there. And when you are at home, you’ll have company.

Also, though you’re probably often jet-lagged and tired, make plans with people you love when you’re home. Invite people over and order pizza. Find good local music and hang out with friends at the club. If you’re flying to Chicago, ask if anyone has a friend there who you can meet. The more people you speak to, the more people you’ll meet.

My favourite thing about this planet is that you can find a friend in almost any city or town through other friends. Everyone is connected somehow. My point is, you need to put yourself out there to make friends, find love if that’s on your agenda, create a family if that’s also part of your future. And if and when you do the latter, you’re probably going to cut down on your travel anyway. So, get a head start. You’re in your mid-30s. If marriage and children are on your wish list, you need to get to it, no matter what your gender (you were unspecified in your letter).

FEEDBACK Regarding the fake accent (June 9):

Reader – “If putting on ‘black face’ is wrong, then so is putting on an accent. It's cultural appropriation. The father should stop immediately. The kids have every right to tell him to stop. He should just be his authentic self.”

Reader #2 – “As usual, your advice was right on point. My late husband was a white Canadian. I am a black Jamaican. Even today, I still have a very strong Jamaican accent. My husband enjoyed going to Jamaica and visiting our family there, with or without me. He thought of himself as a Canadian first, but of Scottish and Jamaican heritage, especially as the head of his clan was once situated in Jamaica.

“He never got the accent right and only used a few words and phrases, but I always found it endearingly amusing.  Again, you are correct, parents always embarrass their teenage children. They’ll understand in time.”