I recently reconnected with a former colleague. When we worked together 10 years ago, she was dating someone who treated her horribly and all her coworkers (me included) were relieved when she broke up with him. Now, she’s in a long-term relationship with someone else. She hasn’t told me much about their relationship, but I know she’s happy with him, and they recently celebrated five years together.

The problem? I keep coming across his dating profile on Bumble and Tinder. I know it’s him because of his name and his photos (she’s shared photos of them together on her social media). Neither of his profiles say he’s in a relationship or whether he’s polyamorous.

She and I recently got together, and she is still with him. A day later, I saw his profile again. What should I do? Keep my mouth shut and wish her the best, or tell her that this guy is a sleazebag who may be cheating on her?

Stunned in silence

Let me throw the question back at you: if you were dating someone and he still had a profile on TWO dating sites, would you want to know? Not everyone would, but I know I would.

It doesn’t sound as though you two are very close friends, so it may be hard for you to come right out and say something. Assuming you’re single… Maybe you could ask her to go through some of those sites together and help you find a date…. and then she’ll see his profile pop up. Or you could just show her his profile, say that it comes up when you’re searching, and you’re wondering if it’s the same guy.

Don’t call him a sleazebag, and don’t assume he’s cheating on her. Maybe he’s forgotten to take down his profile. Who knows? But that’s between them, not you.

Let her figure out what to do with the information you’ve presented.

My daughter has just started playing full-contact hockey and I am an anxious mess. She’s small and fast, and excellent at stick handling and puck manoeuvring. But she’s tiny compared to the other girls who are mostly much larger.

So far, she’s been tripped with no injury, and squeezed up against the boards, again with no injury. But I’m dead worried that she’ll get trampled or something worse.

She and my husband think the game is safe and fun, but I’m having panic attacks! What do I do?

Too Rough!

According to my research, your daughter must be 15 because girls’ competitive hockey leagues in Canada only introduce full body checking at that age. And at 15, the size discrepancy between some young girls can be extreme. I can only assume that your daughter has learned how to handle contact safely through all her years playing hockey and good coaching.

Full transparency, I wouldn’t like it either. But I would rather watch my daughter do something she loves and support her in her efforts, than not be there for her, in body or spirit. That’s me. You must decide what works best for you. Is being there too hard on you emotionally? Is watching your daughter play too anxiety provoking? Because if it is, then you need to protect yourself and your mental health. Panic attacks are no fun.

But is it better for you to stay home wondering? Imagination is always worse than information, in situations like this. Or, maybe, you do something that catches your attention, like going to the movies, where you can “forget” about the game, and can celebrate with her afterward.

Try each option and see what feels best for you. Only you know what to do.

FEEDBACK Regarding the girls in fashion crisis (July 16):

Reader – “It seems the mother is as caught up in this teenage clothing nonsense as her daughter. Is this some leftover angst from her own teen years?  A picture of the camping trip showed only the daughter and one of her friends not wearing a jean skirt like the rest of the girls. So what?

“But a jean skirt wasn’t on her shopping list, and how could the new girls be so mean!  Here’s what I see: Her daughter went on the trip, has a close friend and doesn’t appear to have been excluded in any way.  Parents should certainly make small efforts to help their children be part of fad dressing.  But that doesn’t mean everything has to be identical.  Time for the mother to model more mature attitudes.”

Lisi – I’m with you, but I never cared about that stuff as a kid either.