I never felt that desperate urge to be a mother that so many women have described. In fact, it’s partially because of their descriptions and feelings that I knew motherhood wasn’t my goal. However, I also knew that it was probably in my future because I was probably going to marry a man who would want a family.

And that came to pass. My husband wanted a family even though he knew that it wasn’t my greatest desire. So, we tried and tried and tried some more. But when nothing happened naturally, I refused to dig deeper. It just wasn’t meant to be.

Fortunately, my husband loved me enough to find satisfaction in just our couplehood, and we have lived a wonderful life. But now that I’m getting older, I wonder…. Who will take care of me when I’m very old? My parents will be gone; my siblings have their own families, and I’m the youngest. Who will take care of me?

Old Age Alone

First, I commend you on knowing who you are at your core. Whether you had children or not, you were true to yourself and your heart. And your husband also deserves recognition for not pushing you beyond your limitations, and for having the capacity to love the life you were given.

Speaking of your husband, would you not expect that he will take care of you when you’re very old? Granted, he may pass away before you, but one never knows.

But to put your worries at rest, perhaps it would behoove you to speak with whichever nieces or nephews you’re closest to and talk to them about your fears and concerns (depending on their age, of course, though I gather they’re old enough). Not many people, especially young people, are comfortable talking about getting old, and needing care, but if they’re open to it, it might calm down some of your worries.

My dog died and I’m bereft. I smell him in the house, I see him in every corner, I call out to him still. I can’t seem to get over his demise. My partner is sad but also feels relief and a sense of freedom. She is happy that we no longer have this completely dependent creature for whom we were solely responsible. She’s already looking at booking several trips, commenting on how much money we’ll be saving without kennel boarding fees.

I’m not opposed to travel, but does she have to be so cold? Also, though I’m clearly not ready yet, I plan on getting another dog, and in the not-too-distant future. I have always had dogs as pets and hated the years I didn’t.

But I’m worried that my partner is going to fight me on this acquisition and it’s going to be a deal-breaker for one, maybe both, of us. I’m worried which is making my grief last longer and feel stronger, I think.

How can I breathe through my pain and move forward?

Dog Gone

My heart breaks for you. I know the feeling of losing a pet and there is no grief like it. (I’m not saying it’s worse than any other; I’m just saying there’s nothing else similar). I was fortunate to have a second, younger dog when my first dog passed away, and that made his passing easier to swallow.

When my second dog passed, I was also bereft. Inconsolable for a very long time. I found solace in messaging those who had known her throughout her storied life. Hearing back from people was heartwarming and gave me the chance to celebrate her life.

Talk to your partner. Tell her how you feel. Agree on a timeline. And if you need grief counselling, get it.

FEEDBACK Regarding the dog-kicking incident (July 1):

Reader – “I agree that no one should kick an animal, but it seems there’s more to this incident.

“These 10 kids need a place to play and enjoy the outdoors.  That they were playing together is an indication that they enjoy each other’s company.  She should celebrate that.  Yes, it's a public space, but these kids also have the right to play without being interrupted by a dog.

“If it's not the first time, why would the dog-owner choose to take the dog out when and where the kids were playing?

“Sending in animal protection services sounds heavy-handed.  Wouldn't it be better for the woman to offer the kids a cold drink?  A kind gesture could go a long way to start a neighbourly rapport.”

Lisi – I think you misread the question. They were in their own yard and kicking their OWN dog!