Ever since our father passed away, our mom has gone rogue, especially with her decisions. We recently pulled her out of a multi-level marketing scheme! She withdraws large amounts of money out of her accounts, lies about her whereabouts, is addicted to her cellphone, drinks and travels a lot.
My sister tracks our mom on her cellphone to have some peace of mind and tracks my mom's finances, but she is beside herself worried about our mom being taken advantage of, as am I. She is also estranged from her siblings.
My mom is not educated; she and our late dad didn't have a great marriage. She needs a lot of help especially in finances, but how do we help someone who doesn't listen, lies and is tasting a new-found freedom? Can a bank help to keep our mom's finances safe?
Exasperated daughter
You said your parents didn’t have a great marriage. Perhaps now that your father is gone, your mom IS feeling a new freedom, one she never had before. I’m assuming that your father took care of all the finances while he was alive. And you say she’s uneducated. I would bet some of her money that your father made her feel stupid, especially around money.
Instead of trying to control her, which I also gather is how she’s felt for years, join her for the ride and help guide her. Find some sort of finance class – check your local community centre, seniors’ centre or online. Just make sure it’s legit. Then go with her to the bank and talk to a financial adviser. Help her put a plan in place for her future with the funds she has. Help her create a budget and discuss the “what ifs” with her. Perhaps it’s time she appoints you and your sister as joint Power of Attorney over her finances.
I would also go with her to her family doctor for a general checkup just to make sure she isn’t having any health issues that are swaying her to do things she wouldn’t normally do. And again, talk about what she’s capable of doing now, and what the future may hold for her.
If she’s travelling often, let her, if she can afford it. Better to travel when you’re physically healthy and mentally aware. Perhaps suggest she take a grandchild along on every trip, or you or your sister.
Point is, let her FEEL alive and free and in control of her own destiny. And help her learn what she needs to know to have a healthy, happy future.
FEEDBACK Regarding the concerned mom (Jan. 5):
Reader – “What troubles me, regardless of legalization, is what parent would be OK with their kid and friends getting high prior to going out, while they’re out and when they get home — and not be concerned? This isn’t about legalization; this is about danger and substance abuse. Just because it’s legal, doesn’t make this OK.
“I would be concerned that the legalization of marijuana is now becoming a serious problem in the lives of not only adolescents, but adults alike. Smoking, drops and gummies are now becoming a serious problem, and I think that we should all be taking this more seriously as we look at the next generation and wonder how they’re going to handle it. We have a major problem (children showing up in emergency rooms); this isn’t just a conversation regarding compromise.
“I think it’s a heartbreaking situation. Legal or not legal isn’t the point.”