I’ve been married for five years, and have a new baby. But my spouse was very uninvolved with my pregnancy, despite that we’d already had two miscarriages. He wouldn’t “waste” his time coming to doctors’ appointments.

I tried to involve him in sending questions he’d like me to ask the obstetrician, but he dismissed me.

When the baby started kicking, he didn't want to feel it. Nor willingly choose paint colours for the nursery.

I also had problems with my parents, which caused me MUCH insomnia and anxiety, and he wasn’t interested in discussing it with me.

Luckily, I see a psychologist. It was a very hard pregnancy, emotionally.

Now that the baby’s here, he’s helpful, but would rather do things he wants on weekends, i.e. yard work, than help me with the baby that I care for 24/7.

I understand he has to work, and has limited time to himself, but as this baby experience is new to both of us, we should be learning about her and helping each other out!!

She was fussing a lot during one feeding and he saw me crying. I said, “She’s only two weeks old, the yard work can wait.” His response, “Do I have to hold your hand every time?”

Meanwhile, he’s struggled with the baby, thinking she doesn’t feel soothed by him and doesn’t like him. I was supportive. But I don't get that support in return.

How do I continue to live in a marriage like this?

So Alone

Your most important focus during these early months is to feel secure and bonded with your baby. Even troubles with your parents and disappointments in your husband need to be set aside awhile.

It’s good that you supported his feelings of inadequacy. This is new to him too, and the miscarriages may’ve made him afraid to be involved. That’s not a great excuse, but it may be reality.

Once you’re more settled with your infant – and meanwhile continuing to see the psychologist – you can talk to him about being a parental team.

Taking a parenting course together, reading parent-help books, talking to other new parents in a support group, all can help you both realize that adjustment to a new baby is a normal process.

Reader Alert – Some of you will find the following question disturbing. But I believe it’d be a disservice to this young writer and many others, for me not to take it seriously.

Many children are faced with sexual requests such as follows, at an age where they have no idea how to respond. That uncertainty can lead them to being bullied, assaulted, and worse.

This guy a few years older wants me to give him oral sex. He always mentions that he’ll show me his thing. What should I say or do?

Shy Person

Say NO. You NEVER have to do something another person wants, that makes you feel uncomfortable, afraid, or even unsure.

Say NO. Walk away. Avoid him. His suggestion’s rude, not a compliment. He wants this so he can brag about it, take a photo, and/or show friends. That’s how destructive images get sent around on the Internet and harm a person’s daily life at school and with friends.

He’s not a decent guy who cares about you. He’s really no different from a stranger-flasher from whom you’d run.

So run. And if he asks you again, report him to your parents and school principal. If he pursues you, report him to Police.

Three years ago, my daughters, 14 and 11, were attacked. My younger daughter didn’t survive.

Since then, I’ve struggled raising three surviving children (I was previously divorced). I’ve been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder – PTSD. Still, I achieved a college degree.
I found a job, but high stress and inconsistent hours exacerbated my PTSD, causing daily panic attacks. My youngest child, eight, suffered emotional issues, and I had to quit work.
I’m now living on assistance, hardly scraping by. If I don't find another job, I can't pay my bills. I have increased flashbacks, and nightmares due to the anxiety.

Can’t Move Forward 

As a victim of violence, your family may qualify for court-provided programs that could help with counselling, job search, and compensation. Pursue this.

Seek local community help for you and your children, through family agencies, YWCA programs. Do online searches and get pro-active. Re-visit whomever diagnosed PTSD, for treatment/advice, and a support group.