I’m a 45-year-old bachelor. How do I find a beautiful lady to share my loving life?
I’ve never been in a relationship.
Here’s my Email
I’ve not included your email as I’m not a match-maker, nor do I have a dating site.
Here’s my Search for a Relationship advice:
Start your search for a life partner by thinking about the lasting couple relationships which you’ve seen and known, that consistently appeared happy and healthy.
Perhaps, like many people, you didn’t see that quality of connection between your parents.
Perhaps, too, it’s why you’ve never had a relationship, and part of the reason why you’re a bachelor at 45.
The good news is that you can still learn how to be open, caring, kind, respectful and find happiness with someone you love.
Start reading/learning about relationships (see below) and the ways to improve them.
However, don’t make the finding of “a beautiful lady” as your main goal.
You’ll just be in line with many more experienced but shallow men who’ll get there first.
Seeking someone with a beautiful mind, a lovely smile, and open heart is far likelier to help you meet someone you can love, respect and trust.
FEEDBACK on Divorce - Regarding a second-time divorcee, 39 (February 21):
Reader – “It's so easy to divorce and blame the other person. It takes two to run a relationship into the ditch.
“Too often, I hear from single people, from 20-somethings to middle age, that no one wants to work on the relationship anymore.
“My wife would come home from work, make dinner then park in front of the TV and not move. Later, she’d be baffled when she felt like getting romantic an hour after I’d gone to bed and wasn't interested.
“The woman I dated this past fall had complaints about her first husband, different complaints about her second husband, and other complaints about her live-in boyfriend of eight years.
“She was my dream date for seven weeks, until her true personality came out, and we became incompatible as she had complaints about me, too.
“She had to be right. She wanted to be told she was right, even when she wasn't.
“She couldn't stand being wrong.
“A fight between her and her previous boyfriend got so heated she had a seizure and blacked out.
“When my wife moved out, I went to the library, and discovered self-help books. I’ve read close to 60. They are a true eye-opener, as most are written by women, for women and the perspective is interesting.
“They’re also an eye opener when you read about a behaviour that’s bad for relationships and you realize that it's something you do.
“Ellie, you suggested to this woman that she practice the art of compromising.
“Maybe if she’d done that, she might still be married.
“While it takes two to wreck a relationship, all too often we are quick to give up.
“This letter-writer gave up after only two years with one husband, and then six years with her second one.
“Does she not understand the idea of the “reattachment stage” that follows the fighting stage, which toddlers go through in their “terrible twos”?
“I saw no mention of her having couple counselling.
“Someone told me that we vow to love the other person for better or for worse, but too often today we only want the better and quit when we get the worse.”
Reader’s Commentary “My father could be a poster boy for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). His lies are constant, from serious to petty.
“Dad insists that he’s correct about everything. He’s argued that the dictionary was wrong when he's misspelled a word.
“Dad still plays favourites, even though "the kids" are all over 40.
“Half of us are scapegoats who can do nothing right. The other half are favourites, who can do nothing wrong. There’s no explanation.
“He’s created toxic, long-lasting divisions in our family, unlikely to ever heal.
“Even in death, he’ll continue to alienate us from one another. The inheritance is being unequally distributed, with the bulk of it going to Dad's favourites.
“Dad delights in telling us scapegoats of his generous gifts, (condos, paid mortgages, lavish trips, etc.), which he’s given to his favourites.
“He neglects any meaningful contact with us but tells us about the gifts he’s given our siblings, or more lies.”
Ellie - So sad!
Tip of the day:
There’s a lot more needed in a partner, to sustain a loving relationship, than just good looks.