My boyfriend and I received a call from an anonymous tipster saying that our friend's fiancée has been cheating with a co-worker. I believe that he's correct.
We're good friends with this couple and are in their upcoming wedding party.
They live together with their young daughter.
I feel badly splitting up a couple with a young child involved.
I'm not very close with her (the cheater); she's withdrawn. Her father committed suicide and the person she's cheating with is a man in his 40s (we're all in our 20s).
Could this all be related? How should we go about telling our friend? Should I confront her first?
Step down from your self-appointed platform as judge and jury. It's NOT your job to tell your friend this gossip, especially since it came from a cowardly, anonymous source who may be stirring up trouble, not truth.
It's appallingly intrusive for you and your boyfriend to initiate a split in this family unit. If you have any compassion as true friends, you should be even more supportive to them at this pre-wedding time.
The woman has been through a lot in her life, and the last thing she needs is meddlers, especially if your informant was wrong or misread the situation.
For all you know, the couple is already dealing together with their issues/stresses and won't appreciate your assumption that it's okay to interfere.
Back off, and keep mum. If there's cheating going on, it'll come out soon enough and then it's up to them to handle as they choose.
After dating for 18 months, there's been a lot of distance between my boyfriend and me since we finished college a few months ago and no longer see each other daily.
I feel that my boyfriend takes advantage of knowing that I'd bend over backwards for him. Yet he wouldn't do the same for me, and it hurts.
Recently, I met his ex; she walked right past me, gave my boyfriend a hug and said bye, and then walked off without acknowledging me. I expressed how rude it was, but he gives her a lot of respect, for someone who broke his heart.
Not only is she around a lot now, but whenever I mention how rude she was, he shoots back "well, you never said hi."
I'm unsure how to feel about this looming figure of trouble. What should I do when this type of situation arises again?
Stop bending over backwards… for this boyfriend or any other. A good relationship has both people working at pleasing each other.
If you don't have a sense of connection, or equality, and aren't getting the same respect as he gives to his ex, then things have changed enough that you may now be with the wrong guy.
Although I'm a university student, and 21, my mother treats me like a kid. She's constantly checking up on me. If she doesn't like my plans she yells, is verbally degrading, and expects me to cancel things just because she's uncomfortable. She's constantly saying that I have bad judgment and only think of myself. But I'm just trying to live my life.
Once, I told her I was going to visit my boyfriend, and would be staying overnight - she said I was ruining my life.
She thinks her opinion is RIGHT and everyone else is WRONG.
I don't think my choices are bad. But she can't understand how I don't think like she does (or that I may have different values).
How can I get across to her and help make her understand that my thinking differently doesn't mean that I'm a bad person?
And how can I get her to treat me more like an adult - and let me make my own decisions?
- Hate Fighting
It's hard to demand independence if you're still relying on your mother for housing and/or financial support. You don't mention having a job so I have to assume there's still some dependency in this relationship.
You can best stop the fighting by showing that you're gaining in maturity and good judgment: Talk to your Mom about what worries her, and try to ease her fears.
Most parents are aware of potential pitfalls when young adults are trying out different choices from the previous generation.
Parents need to know that you hear their concerns, are still behaving self-protectively, and aren't going to extremes.
Tip of the day:
A "tipster" on someone else's relationship is otherwise called a troublemaker.