Please don't think I'm a meddling grandmother, but my grandson told me something in confidence and I want to know how to confront his Mom, my daughter, about it.
She was angry with him and spouted out that she and his daddy were going to get a divorce, and that it was "all his fault."
My grandson is heartbroken; he's only a little guy and doesn't know how to deal with what she said.
I told him that it wasn't right for her to have said that to him.
Also, I said that if his parents do break up, it's not his fault, it's between them.
- Concerned Grandma
There's a difference between being meddlesome and being supportive, and you need to be the latter - to both your grandson and his Mom.
Instead of "confronting" her, tell her about your concern as to how to answer this young boy when he comes to you with his fears and anxieties.
Do NOT approach her by blaming her, even though she was wrong to make him feel guilty for her marital problems over which he has no control. She's likely very troubled herself and needs your understanding.
Unless she's a totally uncaring mother, she already knows it's wrong to say these things to a child.
Keep reassuring your grandson that you're always going to be there for him.
Ask your daughter how you can help her through this period, and also how to best explain to her son what's going on, if something truly is looming.
I adopted a four-month-old kitten last month, but I'm not working right now, and am living on a low fixed-income.
I really liked the kitten, but I began feeling anxious and worried about how I was going to care for it. Food, litter and vet bills can really add up.
So I took the cat back where I adopted it and got my money back.
That was two weeks ago. I called them the following Friday after I took him back and he was already adopted out by someone else.
I felt so badly and hurt. I've been sad and grief-stricken since.
Is there anything I can do to get him back?
- Cat Grief
The most important thing to do is to stop being so hard on yourself.
You did the right thing for the cat's wellbeing, by making it possible for him to be adopted by someone who can, for now, better manage his care. It was the best course you could've taken.
Now, you need to focus on your own living situation. This incident has brought out anxieties and I strongly recommend you see your doctor or go to a clinic to ask for help.
When you're in a more secure state, both emotionally and financially, you'll be able to adopt an animal.
I'm a university student who's yet to have a steady boyfriend.
I've had important guys in my life, but have never "dated" anyone.
I feel ready to start a relationship, and I see potential in one guy I know. But I've never been asked out before, and have never asked anyone else out.
How do you know when the time is right to shift from mere flirting to a real relationship? How do you make that transition? For those of us who are inexperienced, it's quite troublesome!
- First Time
It's both sweet and promising to be a novice at the dating scene, but please don't start off by setting yourself up for disappointment.
Just because you see a guy as "potential" doesn't mean he's equally interested - and that's not a rejection, just reality.
So proceed slowly, and take time to get to know this person, or any other dating candidate, before you consider making any overt move towards asking him out.
At some point, when you feel there's a connection, you can suggest you get together after a class to discuss a project; or, you can mention that you're going to a campus event and ask if he'd like to come along. If the response is positive, that's a first step.
Next, wait to see if an invitation is reciprocated and you're being asked to join him somewhere. When that happens, you can consider that you've made "the transition." Still, wait to see how it develops before considering yourself part of a couple.
Tip of the day:
Grandparents are an important source of support for their grandchildren, but can lose their opportunity if they act as meddlers.