After dating my girlfriend six months, I hate her manipulative best friend. She preys on my girlfriend’s insecurities. 

If I go anywhere without my girlfriend, her friend will say I’m probably cheating.

I try to make my girlfriend see what her friend is doing. My girlfriend doesn’t want to lose her, but this girl is bringing her down.

I don’t want to make her choose, but it’s hard to be civil to someone who’s always trashing you behind your back. Any suggestions?

- Back-stabbing in Ottawa

There are two people with insecurities here – your girlfriend and her friend, who’s apparently threatened by your relationship. She likely fears she’ll be left out, and so tries to drive a wedge of mistrust between you. 

First, reassure your girlfriend that you’re faithful, and that you’re willing to work with her on this problem, as a team. Then point out that her friend obviously worries about their connection, and needs time for them to hang out.

But your girlfriend must ban any talk of suspicion about you, or close down the conversation. The friend will either curb her comments, or your girlfriend will recognize she’s no true pal.

My husband of 25 years is an only child; his parents have been very involved in our lives. 

We regularly vacationed with them at their summer home and travelled with them before we had kids.

His mother babysat for us... they even moved closer to make it easier.

However, I’m sometimes openly criticized about things I’ve said or decisions I’ve made involving my children.

There are rarely two days when she hasn’t called or they haven’t dropped by.

It’s driving a spike between my husband and I. He’s afraid of saying anything and hurting feelings. I feel bad for feeling this way but am constantly depressed because no matter what is said, I know it’ll be taken the wrong way.

Am I wrong?

- Feeling smothered

You can’t blame only your in-laws for a situation you and your husband accepted, relied on and benefited from, for years. 

When “a village” raises a child, it’s only natural that everyone feels a responsibility and interest. However, your children are old enough to know who are their parents and to see you as their primary guiding influence.

Grandparents have opinions, but you don’t have to respond to them all. However, it’s time you and hubby decide which areas of child-rearing you have fixed opinions on, and share them with his parents. He should be the one who’s firm, not hurtful, about some non-negotiable rules and attitudes.

You two should also examine your family schedule and set some fixed times for extended family visits, and some for just your household. You can use homework and after-school activities as some of the reasons for not having visits.

Your depression may be related to other pressures, e.g. children growing older, events at your work, or even hormonal changes. Check these out, so you can handle this transition period from dependency on your in-laws, with maturity rather than resentment.

My mother’s taken in my brother and his pregnant girlfriend, free, because he’s making little money (commission only). 

I had to give up my room and sleep on the basement couch, though I work and pay Mom rent.

- Unfair

Mom can do as she pleases in her house. And you can take more control of your life. Move out. You’re ready for independence if you can afford the rent.

I’m ready to start dating again, after a heartbreaking break-up, and have a crush on a co-worker. However, we only see each other at work and I wouldn’t want to get fired for sexual harassment if I asked him out there. 

Also, if he likes me (he’s practically my best friend) why can’t he ask me out? He knows and understands my past.

I’m tired of waiting for him to ask me out.

- Jaded

Two possibilities: 1) He sees you only as a friend; 2) He’s been sensitive to your feelings and didn’t want to rush you. 

Since you talk openly at work, tell him simply that you now feel ready to date. Leave that thought out there for a few days and see if he picks up the cue and asks more questions, e.g. if you have anyone in mind. The answer - “You” – wouldn’t be considered sexual harassment.