My boyfriend of nine years and I are living together and talking about buying a house, and the future (kids, marriage, etc.) 

I want to be engaged first, but he says first we buy the house.

The more he puts the ring off, I question his intentions. Should I stay in this relationship?

- Doubting

Two Relationship Rules: 1) Never buy property with someone you doubt. 2) Focus on what you really want – commitment. 

Stop talking “ring” and start talking straight about needing a plan, with engagement as step #1 and a wedding date to follow.

Hold off on the house-hunt (and no handing over your savings) until you’re sure that YOU want to stay in this relationship for more than a ring.

If you feel he’s not the right partner for life, let alone a house, move on.

I’m 34, in a happy relationship with my boyfriend, but constantly day-dreaming about my male colleague who has a live-in girlfriend. We hang out together a lot at work and after, so I keep wondering whether he really likes me. 

There’s been nothing physical between us.

- Obsessed

You have a crush, which is okay so long as you don’t act on it. But there are no hidden messages… if he were interested in you, he would’ve let you know somehow. 

If you feel at risk, yourself, of crossing the friendship line, back off and see less of him. Then, take a close look at your own relationship to see if it’s what you really want.

My nephew, 33, has frequently been in trouble: Stealing, driving under influence, driving while suspended, violence, drugs.  

He’d stolen a considerable sum from his aunt, at 18, while she was staying in his parents’ home.

He was brought up an only child amongst alcohol and verbal abuse.

He’s physically assaulted his mother and father on several occasions but they do nothing about it.

He’s been threatening towards me on three occasions – irrational and scary! He’d later call and apologize and I’d forgive him.

Last January he and other relatives were intoxicated and playing music loudly. When asked to turn it down, a violent incident occurred - he threw his aunt onto the ground and stopped only when threatened with the police being called.

I’ve banned him from my home and any association with me. Other relatives did the same.

His parents want me to come over but I’ve said “never” (he’s there daily). Not until he gets anger management and does the right thing with his aunt. I feel tough love is the only way.

- Concerned Aunt

He needs more than your tough love, but you’re wise to protect yourself. 

However, do not appear to be leading the pack against this violent relative. Instead, offer his parents information on where he can get anger management courses; they’re the ones who need to see that they’re enabling their son’s behaviour by not insisting that he get professional help.

Courses, and referrals to psychological testing and treatment are usually available through local social services agencies.

Since his drug and alcohol use are apparent factors, his parents should urge him to join a program to deal with addictions, such as Alcoholics’ Anonymous. They’d benefit their son if they attended too, if they’re still problem-drinkers themselves.

This man needs to be helped to believe that he CAN have a worthwhile, productive life rather than bounce from one chaotic episode to another.

I fear talking to and meeting women. It’s hard for me to approach one without scaring her. 

It’s also hard to find good places to meet women.

I can’t even drive because I’m on low income.

What do I have to do to overcome my fear?

- Blocked

Your lack of confidence is making this fear loom large, even though inexperience can naturally create shyness. 

Ask your closest female relative or friend to help you practice starting a conversation; read the newspaper, stay aware of current events, and join one free group activity that interests you – e.g. a sport at a local park or a walking group, etc.

Chat with females of all ages, just to be friendly. Volunteering at a seniors’ home or hospital can also help make you more comfortable talking to new people… and you’ll gather interesting stories to relate, when you want to chat with a woman socially.