When my verbally abusive, recovered drug addict, brother got out of jail and a treatment facility, I gave him a chance to prove he’d changed.
Soon, he was verbally abusing me, my husband, and my bi-racial infant son (who wasn’t present).
I’ve told my parents that I don’t want him in contact with my son. Yet, twice, my mother let him visit while we were there. She thinks it's wrong to keep him from his nephew.
Both times, I removed my son and myself.
She says I’m acting childish. The whole situation is also stressing her.
How do I get her to understand that I’m just protecting my son, and get her to respect my stance?
- The Protector
Follow your instincts regarding your son, if you truly believe your brother could be harmful to him.
Tell Mom that if she lets him come by a third time, she’ll be welcome to visit at your home, but you won’t be able to go to hers. But stay in frequent contact, this isn’t to punish her for trying to keep the family together.
Also, pick her up if necessary to make it easy for her to see her grandson.
Meanwhile, try to keep an open mind about your brother in case he does get the message and shows signs of change.
Try to find an opportunity to suggest he get help through after-prison services, for managing his anger… for his own sake, in maintaining jobs and relationships, including that with his family.
I’m a divorced mom, early 40's, with two young teenagers, and seeing a man I love, for 18 months.
We’re of different religions.
He comes over every day after my kids are asleep. He says he’s not looking for anything serious and not interested in being "a part of my family" (i.e. getting to know my children)
He won’t discuss his ex.
He’s not interested in meeting my family. He’s not told his family about me. He claims he’s "private."
I’ve met many of his friends and he has met mine.
He’s not said he loves me though I’ve said it. He said that when emotions come into play, it ruins things and for me to hold back my emotions.
He calls us "friends.”
He puts me off when I start talking about "love."
I don't know if I’m wasting time with this man...
Maybe he’s “private” means he’s “still married.”
You need to hear him: He’s “Not Interested” in a deepening relationship beyond having sex and some chat every night (maybe you’re also providing dinner and movies).
Yes, you’re wasting your time, if you’re counting on a future with him.
Also, your teenagers aren’t unaware, and your nights-only relationship isn’t a great model for them as they approach their dating years.
You can do better for yourself and them.
I’m 43, and can’t seem to settle down with one woman. I have a great job, and live the single lifestyle with full enjoyment.
Yet I fear I’ll wake up 20 years from now, alone and miserable.
Should I push myself to find a wife?
- Looking Ahead
You’ll do no woman or yourself a favour, if you “push” for marriage.
There’s nothing lonelier than living with someone you don’t love, with whom you never had a real connection.
You seem to be saying you’re living the life that pleases you, yet your “fear” signals dissatisfaction.
Stay open to getting to know someone who attracts you, beyond the superficial. You may surprise yourself.
I'm 38, part of a 20-year close circle of married couples.
A man we all know bragged to a male friend from our inner circle about his extramarital affair. I’m not sure if it’s a boast or true.
Now I’ve heard from other sources that he’s having an affair with another woman, too.
I think his wife has a right to know, but my husband and the other men in our group don’t want me to get involved.
However, I’ll show my disgust whenever I see him.
Maybe it’s comforting to you to be so quick to judgment, even without certainty. But I doubt it’ll be comforting to the man’s wife to learn that so many people are spreading these unsubstantiated rumours.
She may already know and have her reasons for accepting it.
Or, it’s not happening and your “information” will explode in your face.
Tip of the day:
When it comes to protecting your child, trust your gut.