My husband was divorced and returned home to live with his mom and dad. When we met, I moved in as well to save for a down payment on a home.

For nine months, I wasn't allowed to do anything for my husband. Everything I did was wrong.

As a couple, we didn't have any choices or decisions of our own.

She says he's a Mama's boy but he's only like that when she's around.

Finally, we're in our new home.

Now, she comes over without calling and doesn't knock, she changes the household temperature, and tells me what I'll be putting in the garden. She even told my parents not to expect any grandchildren from us.

I'm tired of her controlling ways; I just want her to disappear.

I love my husband but this is breaking us apart.

- Wit's End

Your husband must stop hiding from the task of speaking up to his mom. State clearly that if he doesn’t do this, he’s risking your marriage.

Decide together which intrusions are most important to block.

He must then tell her that you two need to preserve your privacy with some boundaries. For example, she does NOT keep a key to your home, and must call before coming over.

Set a date, e.g. Sunday dinner, when his parents ARE invited. Then, if she arrives other times, he has to say you’re too busy for guests, or going out.

Meanwhile, try to change your reaction to the smaller stuff. If she dictates what you’ll plant, smile and say, ”That’s an idea,” but do as you please.

Remember: You both wanted a free stay, which set up this controlling dynamic. Now, you have to show independence, and a united front in your behaviour with her.

hree months ago I met a beautiful girl at a restaurant; I came into lunch en route from Indiana and she waited on me. My eyes lit up when I first saw her.

I recently travelled there, and saw her again. When she saw me sitting at the table, her eyes lit up, and she was smiling.

Periodically, my employer sends me on jobs all over the Midwest, but seldom to Indiana. I always look forward to them, just to see this girl.

However, there are 60 miles between where we live. I’d like to get to know her. I never was able to ask for her phone number or e-mail address, and I can’t call her at her work, as I just don’t feel it’s appropriate.

What would be the best way to approach this matter?

- Love-struck in Lombard

Okay, so you’re smitten, but so far it’s based only on a smile, and some convenient assignments.

Time to take the next step: Drive there on a day off and ask her for her number or leave a note for her if she’s not there, with your number. In the note, tell her a little about yourself, your reluctance to do anything “inappropriate,” and your hope that she’ll call you so you can start getting to know each other.

If she says she doesn’t give her number out to customers, or if she doesn’t respond to your note, you’ll know she’s not interested enough for you to keep up the fantasy you’re creating on hope alone. Don’t take it personally if she turns out to be a very good waitress who simply appreciates your smile (and a decent tip).

I have this boyfriend whom I really love, but he’s going away to live in Albuquerque with his parents. I’m concerned about keeping a long distance relationship.

What’s worrying me is what he’ll be doing behind my back, and not telling me.

- Please help!

You either don’t trust your boyfriend or don’t trust guys in general. I suspect this either comes from your own inexperience, a bad previous relationship, or from not having had a long, trusting, committed relationship with this guy.

I suggest that you think about your own ability to not date or even have a crush on anyone else for a long time, while you two are apart.

If you honestly don’t think that’s going to work for you, or for him, then you two should agree to stay in touch as good friends, visit each other when possible, be free to date others, and see what happens.