My mother-in-law pokes her nose into every thing we do as a couple. I need her as she takes care of my toddler.
Sometimes she speaks to me as if I’m an idiot and I lose my temper. She escalates small problems to big levels and creates a huge scene.
As she’s not educated, she doesn’t comprehend many things, yet tries to act smart.
I feel I should try to keep my distance from her both verbally and physically because once we’re together one thing leads to another and ends up really bad. How should I handle her?
- Disturbed Daughter-in-law
You should handle anyone looking after your child, with respect and sensitivity. Your MIL may be difficult and uneducated, but it’s not smart to think you can place your child in her hands and still avoid her.
Approach this relationship as two women working together for the benefit of a child you both love. If she doesn’t comprehend something, make it simple, and don’t be overbearing, as it’s likely intimidating her and causing her overreaction.
Try to keep your “couple issues” separate from the relationship. Thank her for her interest and even for her advice, without arguing every point.
You can still do as you please as a couple, without entering into battle with her. However, if she’s too difficult for you to adjust to, find another babysitter.
My ex and I broke up several months ago but still talk every day; when we’re together everything is perfect and we’re both as happy as when we dated.
It ended over petty reasons; we’re both very very young.
We can only see each other weekly because of our schedules, and during time apart things seem to go terribly and I’m not sure why.
One of us always gets a problem with the other. Then we argue and have to meet up in person to make things better again.
It’s good for a couple days then repeats.
She’s the best thing that’s happened to me and she feels the same way about me.
“Petty” seems to be the operative word, both for the break up and what goes wrong since. It takes maturity to rise above small annoyances, and your being “very very young” is having an effect.
You may actually need more time apart to be certain of what you both want, and willing to compromise to avoid finding problems and fighting. I suggest a true break of several months, then an honest discussion about what’s needed from each other.
If one of you is still not ready, you may need to date others and allow more time for personal growth and experiences, before you can again consider working this out.
My friend always brings her ex-boyfriend along when we go out. They broke up years ago, have dated others, but always end up leaning on each other socially.
Whenever I make arrangements to see her or we get together with a group of friends, he’s in tow, without prior discussion. He’s not someone whose company I enjoy and I wouldn’t normally invite him.
- Three’s a Crowd
Speak up and ask about their deal. If they’re consistently showing up in a “social partnership,” then they’re a couple, no matter the reasons.
She needs to tell people what to expect… especially, if she can’t ever go out with a friend on her own. Then you can decide when and whether to include her.
My mother died suddenly eight years ago and my father has been chatting online to a young woman from overseas. We’ve seen her on web cam; she took her top off to show him, and us, her breasts.
She’s asked for money to pay off her lease and get a visa so she can come here.
He bought her an engagement ring. She was due to arrive, but said her father died and she couldn’t afford a funeral.
He says they’re in love and doesn’t believe that he’s being scammed.
Prepare to be supportive when he takes the blinkers off. He’s an adult, entitled to his own mistakes.
Stay close enough to be aware of other red flags. If the requests for cash continue, point out the evidence of increasing expense for him with no companionship in return. Don’t embarrass him - loneliness can be more blinding than love.
Tip of the day:
When you rely on a parent as a babysitter, you automatically invite some involvement in your life.