This past Mother’s Day was an absolute s-t show! Part of it was uncontrollable, and part of it was totally avoidable. It started with my oldest child waking up crying and then vomiting all over herself and her bed. That was the uncontrollable part.
My husband had gone for an early morning run with the dog, thinking everyone would still be asleep when he returned. But when he got back, I was running the bath and trying to console my daughter while attempting to strip her bed without getting vomit everywhere.
When he got home and saw that the bath was half-full, instead of asking if I needed help, he became enraged that he couldn’t shower. He raised his voice enough that it woke up the baby in a fright, who was then crying for her Mama. He tried to pick her up out of her crib, but he was so sweaty, she screamed. That was the controllable piece.
So now I have a sick child, covered in vomit, who needs a bath; a crying baby who wants her mommy; a bed filled with vomit, and a room that smells; and a sweaty, stinky husband pissed off that he can’t shower that minute. I tried to remain calm; put my daughter in the bath; nursed the baby and changed her diaper while sitting on the floor of the bathroom consoling my daughter; and calmly asked my husband if he could CAREFULLY strip the bed.
He agreed, but didn’t do a very good job. He’s usually good about household chores, so I think he was still annoyed about his shower. But then the dog was licking the vomit that had dripped on the floor, and by the time we realized it, he threw up. Fortunately, he made it to his water bowl in the kitchen.
By 9 a.m., I was exhausted and needed a nap. I asked my husband to feed our daughter some toast and take the baby downstairs, after he had showered, which he did, but he took an extremely long time, and I was miserable. When I got up an hour later, he hadn’t planned a single thing for the day. Not brunch, flowers, a card – nothing.
What the actual heck is wrong with everyone? Can a woman not be treated well on ONE SINGLE DAY of the year?
I’m so upset with him.
MOM – toughest job EVER
Oh gosh! That does sound like a hellish way to start any morning, especially when you had hoped for a sleep in. I’m not sure why your husband was so aggro regarding his shower. It doesn’t sound as though he had a fully planned schedule he needed to meet. It would have been much nicer for him to have helped with the kids without asking, and cleaned up the vomit, and made you breakfast.
You deserve to be treated with respect every day, not just on Mother’s Day. And yes, though it’s a Hallmark holiday, it’s a good opportunity for everyone to stop and reflect on how much they love, appreciate and are grateful for their moms, their wives for mothering their children, and their children for mothering their grandchildren (if that’s what phase of life you’re in).
Appreciation and respect are important every day, but especially on Mother’s Day. And the same goes for fathers on Father’s Day.
I read that you’re based in Toronto. I often read your response to a letter where you say, “in your state.”
Why are you publishing/taking questions from U.S. citizens when you likely have more than enough to publish from Canadian inquiries?
Nationalist
My columns are syndicated across Canada and the U.S. And anyone can read them online, around the world. I’m happy to answer anyone’s question, regardless of location.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman confused about kids (Mar. 7):
Reader #1 – “I felt your response to ‘confused about kids’ missed a critical point. This woman is considering a lifetime relationship with a man who threatened to ‘knock her up’ just to piss her off. He sounds very controlling, and this behaviour is a danger to her.
“She should be running in the other direction.”
Reader #2 – “The reader feels conflicted about having children for the simple reason that her partner is being manipulative.”
Reader #3 – “Any man who says he would ‘knock her up just to piss her off’ is showing extremely disrespectful and frankly dangerous controlling impulses. He may be ‘kidding’ to elicit a laugh or disarm her, but it’s passive aggressive and doesn’t indicate the serious consideration the question to have a family deserves. In fact, she should run in the opposite direction.”