My girlfriend and I are late-50’s, dating for 18 months, exclusively for over a year. 

Last August my picture was removed from its prominent place in her living room… this raised some doubt in my mind.

I’ve since obtained copies of emails showing that around that time she was in contact with several gentlemen she met online, and with two former boyfriends (lovers). She’d made dates to meet the new guys and her old boyfriends, as well as sent sexually explicit emails to at least one ex. They’ve written back expressing what a great time they’ve had with her.

She denies everything, saying she did contact other guys at a time when things were uncertain with us, but hasn’t seen anyone since meeting me.

I love her but I’m not sure what to do. She’s lied to me quite well and apparently quite often. She says she’s now completely committed to our relationship and me.

- Uncertain

Let doubt be your guide... and time its potential healer. 

Some people do “shop around” while in early dating situations. Though it’s unsettling to discover that she cast for other contenders, it seems you’ve survived as a couple.

Now, let the relationship take a natural course… and check your own comfort level when together. Do not rush into any permanent moves. But also, do not hound her about these previous “contacts,” or snoop into her email history, or you may end up pushing her away.

If, over time, you still feel suspicious and uneasy, say so. Then walk away.

My sister and I were best friends; our children see each other everyday, and we share close-knit extended family and friends. 

But, she recently snatched my child while my husband was napping on the couch, called us terrible parents and threatened to keep the youngster. I’ve been unable to look at her since.

I feel depressed and humiliated that ALL of our family and friends know about this. Some look at me with disgust.

My husband forbids my sister from seeing our child (which I allow because the other kids all see each other). This has caused major rifts between my husband and me.

Whenever I feel like reconciling with my sister, I wonder if she, and everyone else, will always judge me. I know we’re great parents, and that my child is well loved. I’m angry and hurt. How do I move on?

- Feeling Judged

You and your sister need to clear the smoke from this nasty incident. Ask why she reacted so extremely... did tension exist between her and your husband which prompted her belief he was neglecting the child? Or, does she have other explanations for her behaviour? 

Encourage her to be honest, and listen without overreacting.

If she was genuinely concerned about your child, she should’ve called you to discuss this, as a mentor. Tell her this, PLUS, that she owes you both an apology, and her assuring the family that you’re a caring parent.

However, even loving parents can learn new strategies; so if there’s any value to her comments, don’t dismiss them out of hand.

I hate funerals, and never know what to say. So I don’t go, and later feel embarrassed when I see the families.

- Awkward

Those who’ve lost someone need communal support. It can come through phone calls, cards, memorial donations, and showing up. 

Start participating with what you can handle – e.g. a condolence note saying, “My thoughts are with you.”

For six months, my boyfriend and I have been roommates with his best friend, who’s a lazy slob - he never cleans common areas, steals toilet paper, uses our milk, etc. 

My boyfriend agrees that we’ll leave at lease time but says we have to give his friend notice.

Meanwhile, should I have to tell him to do his dishes, etc? Am I enabling this behaviour? I’m non-confrontational and have been nice, but I’m ready to snap.

- Disgusted

You and your boyfriend are six months short on common sense. Three adults rooming together is a contractual arrangement, not a favour; it required an agreement about who was responsible for what, and follow through. You two should’ve spoken up early on. 

Now, you both need to give him notice AND set current limits: He must clean up after himself, or pay towards cleaning help. Acting “nice” when resentful can cost a friendship.