I don’t know what’s got into my husband. He was drunk as a skunk on New Year’s Eve, happy as can be, eating everything in sight. When we got home, and before he passed out snoring, he proclaimed that January was going to be the month of change. I’ve heard it before, so I just smiled, gave him a kiss and told him I loved him.
In the morning, he was the grumpiest, most hungover grizzly. He made himself an egg white omelette (which I’ve NEVER seen him eat before) and proclaimed that he was on a diet with the goal of losing 30 lbs. I went to hug him and give him support and he pushed me away. I was shocked! He’d never done that before.
He said he wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to be touched. I also thought it odd that he didn’t even offer to make me breakfast. We always eat together. I asked him how his hangover was, and he refused to admit he had one (ridiculous since he drank a LOT the night before), only saying he had a headache and must be dehydrated (yes, from the alcohol).
Normally, on New Year’s Day, we lie in, have brunch together, either at home or out with friends, have a cocktail (hair of the dog), watch a movie and go to bed early. The second is always the start of the new year for us.
But not this year. After breakfast, he announced he was going for a run. No invitation. No discussion of plans for the day. When I asked about the rest of the day, he responded that he had made plans with a friend to go to a movie.
What is happening?
New Year Normal?
It’s January – the month when everything changes. This is the month (“Dry January”) that people decide to refrain from alcohol after their indulgence through the festive month of December. This is the month that people join the gym for their new year’s resolution of living a healthier life and getting in shape. This is the month where people attempt new diets also for healthier living. And this is the month when many marriages break up. In fact, January is often called “Divorce Month.”
You haven’t mentioned anything about your life prior to New Year’s Eve, so I have nothing to go on. But from your description, it sounds as though your husband may have decided to pull away from you and your marriage. I don’t know why, but I suggest you request a sit-down meeting with him as soon as possible.
If this is his moment to make a huge life change, you want to be prepared. If he was just having a momentary lapse of reason, he needs to know how hurtful his behaviour was.
I’m a party girl and love to help my friends throw fabulous parties. As a result, I have boxes and boxes of décor in my basement. My husband thinks it’s all garbage and taking up space. But it’s my thing.
Can we find a happy middle ground?
Love it, love it, Love it
I believe you can find a happy middle ground. Allocate an area of your basement for décor items. When that area gets overfilled, either cull it down, or find another location outside of the home. Maybe you get a shed in your yard or rent a mini storage unit.
He should appreciate what makes you happy, but you need to appreciate what causes him frustration.
FEEDBACK Regarding the workaholic wife (Nov. 14):
Reader – “They have a great date night once a week and spend a fun day together on the weekend, visit their grown daughter, etc. Unfortunately, like many people post-pandemic, he’s lonely. He’s counting on her to fill that gap. He loves his dynamic spouse because she’s dynamic and busy. Your suggestion that she give up activities or seek marriage counselling will only cause resentment.
“My advice is to buck up, get a life, hobbies and friends. Join a club, a sports team, volunteer or coach a kid’s team, become a big brother, volunteer, reconnect with old friends, have extended family/friends over for game night, invite neighbours over to watch a game - the options are endless.
“He should tell her he's been feeling lonely and realizes he needs to get more social interaction but is feeling overwhelmed how to go about it (which I think is the true reason he wrote you).”